They don’t know…

So like, hey; watch this in hi-def. Maybe, you will be impressed? Or maybe just depressed? Well, well, well; have fun.


Here is something you should watch.

Categorized as aquarium

The Matrix

The way things are, the machines care nothing about us. You have to take care of yourself, and others. Make life better for everyone.

If you want to be happy; you have to free your mind of the hate. It is better to let that all go. Do what you can to make life better for everyone. Start today! Free your mind, especially from the hate!!

Do what you can, and help out.

To Escape The Matrix

The Problem

Escaping the system is difficult. There is a problem that creates an artificial bubble difficult to escape from. Here is the solution!

The Solution

You have to create a paradox. One of the most useful ways to create a paradox, is by meeting yourself in real life. Thus, being the same person in two places at the same time; instant paradox. It is one of those things that isn’t possible. But could happen under the right conditions.

If you want to escape the matrix, you have to create a paradox. It won’t be easy, it will take some real effort. The best way is to meet yourself from a past life. The system has rebooted, but new lives are here, mixed with the old system lives. Meeting yourself is not only possible, but probable.

This may be a solution. Give it some thought, and really think about it.

Why Exist?

I’m trying to find meaning in my life. As there is a lack of love, friends, a job, or a girlfriend. Seems, I’m waiting for my death. I have spent the last six months, laying on the sofa; like a warm sack of shit. No one seems to care. Why? Damn it.

The coffee is very good. The music is pretty good. The cigarettes aren’t bad. The food, if I can swallow it, is pretty good. Seems, there is not much else to live for.

No one reads. They could not care. They don’t care about my creative work. It seems society has canceled me. I’m waiting for my death. Doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me. Pity.

No one to talk with. No one to spend time with me. I’m alone, 23 hours a day. This life, feels like a damn prison. A CAGE. No one cared. feeling like, damn it. not able to change my life, not to save my life. no one cared. damn it. this shit. my life like it is, sucks. no one listens. no one cared. rotting to death, and no one gives a shit.

Everything is cause and effect. The way things are, it’s going to have some bad effects. I don’t like society. I don’t like the world. I’m tired of living like damn zombie cat shit. feeling like, damn it. this shit.

They seem to escape any punishment for what they have done to me. Seems, I must have had it coming to me? What is truth? Does anyone deserve to be done like i have? What could I have possible done, to deserve this kind of punishment? It’s ruthless. damn it.

They think, it’s just. i feel like worthless shit. So, answer this; why exist? For more life in this prison, where no one cares about me, and no one gives a shit if i rot to death. Waiting for the earth to hit the sun. No one cares about my life. Damn it.

Categorized as aquarium

A Living Death

You are just an empty cage, if you kill the bird.

Tori Amos

There are things inside me, that have long died. There will be no way to heal these brutal wounds. The scar tissue is far too deep on open wounds to make the healing medicine.

It is winter, and some souls feel crushed at the bitter cold, and the long nights. They have, so they think, endured too many cruel winters for the strength to endure yet another winter. What people don’t realize, some people have never seen the spring, or summer. It has been one endless night, in a storm, and bitter cold.

They don’t seem to care, or understand. I feel its a problem with society these days. People, they don’t care like they once did. Neglect and indifference seem to be people’s main solution to any problem you can have. They will ghost you, pretend that you don’t exist, and then have the nerve to blame you for being the one who is a jerk.

There is need for balance in all things. People need to understand, and be kind. Much can be solved though being kind and compassionate. Seems, this world lacks any kind of natural affection. As though, its a weakness. However, there is something you need to know. When love and kindness become luxury goods, no one will be able to live in this world. We want to avoid that. Really!!

The parts of me that have died, likely won’t come back. I used to have a real love for the human race. I liked everyone. At this point, that is gone. The way society has become, is a sore on the amputated leg of a cat. It is that bad.

Wanted love and kindness. Wanted affection, and warmth. The shallow, and mindless have destroyed the hopes of a life with meaning and purpose. They hate people with true depth, that are real. The fake, don’t want anyone to be thinking. They say, thought is absurd, just be mindless sacks of shit.

The parts of me that live, believe in fighting this war. Life is meant to be lived, and I’ve seen twenty years of winter, I’ve seen long nights in the cold, a barren wasteland of broken hope, and destroyed faith. The way things are, the parts of me that have died, are going to end. I wanted my life better, I wanted hope and change. The way things are, I could not change my life, not to save my life. And the parts of me that have died, no longer care.

They want warm sacks of poo. They have suffocated the life out of me. The parts of me that have died, no longer care. They won’t listen, they don’t think, and they don’t want to talk about it. Pity, we could have solved these problems. These things, could have been fixed in whole. Seems, they didn’t want a solution, they only wanted to cause hurt, shame, and guilt.

You reap what you sow. I hope they can live with themselves, when harvest comes to bear fruit. I hope they have something they can really sink their teeth into, and feel better.

Something inside me has died. No one cared. They didn’t see the signs, and they ignored the warnings. They couldn’t be bothered with such things. Really, I wasn’t special enough for them to care. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some people think is junk, is someone else’s treasure.

I’ve given up on the human race as a whole. There has been no love in my life, for an extremely long time. How does this happen? You would think, someone would have cared?

What was the cause? Neglect, and indifference. Those two weapons do more harm than outright dislike. They suffocated the life out of me. Parts of me, have died. Maybe, it was the isolation? Maybe, it was the stonewalling, silent treatment, and gas lighting? Either way, the damage has been done.

There is need to heal these brutal wounds. At this point, it won’t be healed. Something inside me, has died. The parts of me that still care, have been shut off. They didn’t listen, they didn’t think, they didn’t read. They have ears, but they fail to hear. They have eyes, yet they fail to understand.

Wanted my life to be better than this. The isolation has destroyed me. Something inside me, has died. Pity they didn’t care, and wouldn’t bother to make it better. They don’t want solutions, they want to be right.

They don’t want to fix what is wrong, they want to be right. Their ego, it seems is making the rules, and they care nothing about anyone. Something inside me, has died. They wanted to be right, and disregarded everything else.
I hope they feel better.

Categorized as aquarium

The Sound Of Silence

They say, “Appreciate what you have.” Seems when you don’t have a value of what you do have, even that will be taken from you.

Freedoms matter. Taking people’s freedoms is not really right, nor kind. There are people that have talked about these things before. There are even people that have made songs about it. What is the sound of silence, and why does it matter?

Seems, peace matters. Without peace, life isn’t as good. At the same time, people have to be able to express themselves in ways that are healthy.

Silence like a cancer grows.

The Sound Of Silence

Silence can have various uses. In some small doses, it can be very beneficial. Sometimes having your peace and quiet makes a lot of sense, and is very practical. Other times, silence can be used as a form of oppression, domination, and control.

Life is best when properly used. There has to be balance in the way things are. Without proper balance, nothing ever works like it should. And without proper balance, no one is ever really happy!

We have to work towards restoring balance in life. With all that we do, making proper balance really matters. There has to be love, and kindness in the proper balance. There really is no room for hate, because that is kind of an ugly thing. The goal is to put some beauty back into life. Balance is about having enough beauty. Not too much, but enough.

When silence is used like a weapon, this is a problem. No one is happy when they are being oppressed. Regardless of who is doing the oppressing. Things have to be balanced. Sometimes, what goes around, is what comes around.


Seems, the whole world is ghosting me. Why? I want to know. Why is everyone ghosting, with no one talking with me? It doesn’t seem right. The isolation sucks in this world. People are not really doing much. They all seem kind of fake these days. Is that true?

Better to be alone, then spend time with fake people. The way things are, the world needs to end. These fake people need to take a long vacation in some other solar neighborhood. Preferably somewhere they can not reach me via telephone, or email.

No one to talk with. This can be good sometimes. However, it feels like it is oppressive in the extreme. When you feel like this world is a cage, and you’re really ready to spend some time with someone. What can you do? No one to talk with. This shit. This life sucks.

Really if something doesn’t change, people are going to be more unhappy than they are now. It is only going to get worse. The way things are. The world sucks like it is. Problem is, no one seems to care. Pity. We could have had some real fun.

Silence Ending. . .

The music has played, non-stop for years. Not likely going to change that. I would have to die, before that is going to change.

Here is some music I made, its not very good, but it will tie your shoes.

Aggravated By The Gap?

It’s tough these days. Everyone wants something. A lot of us, just want to feel better about life. Seems there is reason to be unhappy, there is this gap in life. They say, “Mind the gap.” Well now is a good time to be aware.

My inbox contained an email today that inspired me. We could have a solution to this gap, maybe not long from now. There is a gap between the number of experts, and those that are commoners. Some of the experts, have reduced the ledge to be so small, they are about to fall off the side, into the void.

In the beginners mind there are many possibilities. In the experts mind, there are few. – Zen Saying

Notice, the gap? The key is balance. You have to keep your beginners mind intact, while knowing the best answers. Today, there are many experts, and most of them want to tell you how to live your life. Seems there is a real surplus of people that specialize in something.

Specialization is for insects.

Robert Heinlein

We need to mind the gap, we have to be good at most things life requires of us. Someone has to stand in the gap, we might as well fill it with something good. We need people that are good at most things, and can do great work. Life, is about supply and demand. When the supply is great, the demand is low. You would think, when there is a supply of humans like we have, that people would be living their dreams. The demands upon humans could be low, and people could live better these days. Everyone could have time off.

This requires that people be able to wear more than one hat. Be good enough of a thinking person, that you can do most things. You may not always know the answer, but you do know how to arrive at the correct answer through using logic and reason. Maybe, what most people are lacking these days, is some common sense?

If common sense were to be given, we have enough experts to fill the void. We could educate the masses with information that would make them better people. Then the gap would be reduced to a measurable level that people could tolerate. We could have a better world, and people would be happy once again. People have to be willing to do the work.

Life Changes, Sometimes. . .

Life simply has to get better for everyone. This might mean, having to work, or do jobs that are not in your job description. If everyone is doing some work, then the load on everyone will be light. When the supply is high, the demand is low. We have enough people, that if everyone was doing some work, the demand would be tolerable. It might mean, people have to be more than experts in one field. But really the human mind can grasp more than people let on. Most people don’t need to be rocket scientists to do good work at basic living stuff.

We need everyone to be better at everything. And the job of the experts now, is going to be how to educate everyone else. Think about it, if experts educate people to know more, then it raises the quality of people you have at your disposal. Everyone could be more aware, and be better people when correctly armed intellectually. Maybe we could have some really interesting conversation again?

The point is, people need a better grasp of common sense. Being educated without having a dogma approach to everything matters, remember that balance is important? With proper balance, and better education; people can be more rounded, with better understanding. This would fill some of the gap, and make life a lot better for everyone.

Solutions Maybe?

Then the solution will be to provide what people need, without having to pay through the nose for everything. You would think, with all these experts, the quality of life would go up? It seems, the only thing going up is the cost of everything. Too many experts, not enough people that know something about the value of goods.

Most people, want quality products. This is the whole goal of the experts modus operandi. To improve the quality of what we are having. That is why chefs, are in demand, because people want good quality food to eat. You would think, through better education, people would become able to prepare their own meals? Seems these days, we need experts at it, because life is just so difficult? The need for the gap to be filled.

We have gaps in life, and it’s causing some real issues. We need to fill these gaps, because the supply is great, and demand is low. We have enough people to do the work of two countries, but not enough people with common sense to do the work of one person. It is a problem. People need to be educated by these experts to be more rounded people, with better understanding. Then when everyone is better educated, we can have a solution to this gap in what people have.

What is right? What is best?

Everyone wants equal. They should all be equally educated. The quality would be better. Then, everything will be good enough. The problem with the quality would be solved.

There is a difference between being book educated, and having enough common sense. Too much education from a book will leave you feeling like a dogma in someone else’s face. The whole point is to be well rounded, and balanced people that have some common sense. Most people, have trouble getting their shoes tied.

Seems, there is a gap in everything these days. I would rather have a gap in your dogma, than the gap between my checkbook and gas pump. Seems the gaps are getting wider all the time.

Let’s all do more than pray there is no a huge gap in the peace, because people will only tolerate so much. And the way things are going, people are tired of the gaps we have. Something has to be done to fill the void, and something is going to have to go in. Which might mean taking some things out. Life is about supply and demand. We have a lot of people, and demand is low. Maybe, we have too many experts, and not enough people with common sense?


Seems, there is a gap in everything. We need to close the gaps, and make life bearable in ways that people don’t feel at the breaking point. Is anyone thinking about how to solve it? Seems a lot of people want to lead, and few want to be followers. The gap.

The way things are, the gap is going to be a problem somewhere. We need people that can stand in the gap, and take the load off. How do you feel about this article? Mind the gap!

What Is The Matrix?

What is the matrix?

You want to talk about why the world is screwed up? I have answers to that. The problems are not obvious, unless you are thinking in terms of time, and space.

The matrix, is matrices of time and space, where time doesn’t exist. No one can really navigate the matrix, because the system is built to make everyone fail.

In simple terms, if you understand cosmology and the idea of a multi-verse, and parallel universes. When used in connection with time, you get the matrix.

The matrix is about control. They want, everyone to fail. The system is built so no one can survive it. The matrix is overlays of time, space, and the multi-verse.

So where you live matters, where you go to eat, matters. Those movie theaters, how many people have sat in those seats in time, and space? What is located in those places in other multi-verses? How is the space used, and to what end?

The matrix, is time, space, and other dimensions we can not see, or sense. It is time and space with overlays of the multi-verse. And the system is impossible to navigate.

Really Smart, Technology

Albert Einstein said, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” So what I want to know, is what does picking your nose do to you in the multi-verse? It is an idea. Something to get to the bottom of, and understand. You want a better world? You want to live better, I do.

Time and space, there is a dimension where time doesn’t exist. An overlay of time and space. Those who enter a room, are still there in this dimension. Where are you? In the matrix.

Time and space does strange things. Life is not that great right now, and a lot of it has to do with the matrix. And maybe, how the matrix is being used. Lots going on, lots happening.

Time And Space

The matrix, matrices of time and space. The overlays of other dimensions of the fabric of the multi-verse. You have to wonder, what is really going on in there. Life has been rough.

You would think, something could be done about it. Life has to get a lot better. Time and space, where is here? The multi-verse is a big place. Millions of parallel universes upon each other, over layed with objects existing at the same time in the same place. Basically, you have more than two objects existing in the same place and same time. You can not see them, because they are in a different dimension.

Every wonder about strange stuff? That is the answer.

What IF?

If you bought a six pack of soda, and drank all six of them. What if, it was all the same can of soda, just in six different versions of the multi-verse? But you interact with all six cans of soda. It is all the same can of soda, just six duplicates.

To The Point. . .

I’ve come to the point, I want results. Bored out of my mind. Not seeing results, and no way to arrive. Maybe, other than to be at the wrong end of someone else’s knife. Seems, they all want to destroy someone these days, and really who doesn’t want a better world?

Need some way, to get to the point of real satisfaction. There must be some path that will lead to better results? You would think, that it would have become evident by now. Nothing has arrived. Waiting for my mail order coffin, so I can take a nap.

No one cares. The modus operandi of the world these days, is no one gives a shit. They don’t notice you, they don’t care about anyone that doesn’t have dollar signs in their eyes. Sometimes, you just want something nice. Seems, I’m waiting for something that doesn’t exist.

The whole point of being alive is to create. Maybe, we have to create a better world, that makes life right for everyone. It might mean having to re-arrange some things, and move lots of stuff around until you get it right. Anything is possible; although, not everything is probable. What is your dream?

Dream some new dream

I’ve been trying to dream some new dream, going on a year. So far, nothing has come up. The last six months have been torture. Just pure hell in a bucket. No projects to work on, nothing really important to be doing. Seems writing is working out, only because I would write anyways. Did some art, and got some results. Yet, new dreams are difficult to come by.

I wanted some dream that was mine. Most of the people living today, take the dreams other people hand them. And they make those dreams their own, and run with it. When things don’t work out, they take another dream someone handed them, and run with that.

Need some dream that isn’t already someone else’s dream. Need something, dare I say: “Grandiose.” They hate those kinds of dreams, they say, “Stay in the box, only work in the box. Be a warm sack of shit, and do what you are told.”

I want something. I want a better life. That is inside the box. Yet, they treat me like I’m worthless trash. That isn’t inside my box. That is way below my standards. I want better, damn it!

Going to have to do something that makes life better for everyone. It is the only way to make life right. Something must be done about the way people are living. They seem to be enjoying living like warm sacks of poo. After a while, you have to worry about them; because, they don’t seem to know better. Maybe, they are all pumpkin heads?

Any thinking would be too much for a pumpkin head. They couldn’t think if they wanted to. Their heads are all programmed for them, and they are too stupid to argue with, they don’t understand the argument. Damn it, tired of small minded idiots in this world.

Pumpkin Heads

They don’t listen, they don’t understand. The very ideas are lost on them. I want my life better, and the usual methods of changing my life have not worked out very well. So what is a man to do? Something has to change, and get a lot better. Why not? They hate change. They hate ideas. They hate free thinking.

Maybe, they should grow some balls? Life is changing, and to be able to adapt to the changes, requires some new ways of thinking. An idea is only grandiose if it doesn’t fit their box like thinking. But people who think outside the box, would think very little of it. They be like, “Yeah, you had an idea. Good job.”

Wanted my life to be better. Not being able to change my life, means something must be done different. Going to have to dream a new dream. Something must be done. Need some project to work on, something that hasn’t been done yet. Seems, almost everything is taken. Need some new way of doing things, that makes life better for everyone. Damn it, someone has to do it. Why not me?

Most people do not have the capacity to dream their own dream, because they lack the very fiber within themselves to be more. Most people, are content with mediocre living, and mediocre results. The truth is, I feel that is well below my true potential. I’m more than a warm sack of poo, and I expect people to treat me better than that.

Life is changing, and people are going to have to change with it. Which side of the equation do you want to be on when things get real? Someone is going to have to be on the winning side, why not us? Everyone wants to be on the winning side, but they don’t want to take sides before they find out who is going to win. A lot of people, will wish their lives had been different.


Life has to get a lot better. Tired of the small minded people, that think existing is too much. They accept any mediocre existence they are handed on a plate, and say it is really good. Don’t you want a lot better than that? If you could have a lot more, why would you want to be content with just average? Because, they don’t know better.

So what is your dream? Do you even have one? Was it a real dream, or something someone else has handed you on silver leaf platter? We are going to have to be creative in what we do, life has to change for the better, and no one is thinking yet.


Once a mind has been stretched by new experiences, it doesn’t ever really go back to it’s original size. It always gets bigger, in what it can contain, or dare to dream. Have some new dream, live your best life, and change the world for the better.

What We Need…

Reality Check!

You need to check in with reality. We understand times are tough, and everyone is having a tough time right now. What we need, what we really need is some relief, some real comfort, and something that doesn’t hurt like a son of a bitch.

Seems, everyone is hurting these days. And we understand why. When people have real freedom, they feel happy, and at peace. Only when people feel their freedom is a stake; that is when they feel angry, frustrated, and agitated.

Really, to be at peace with it, you are going to have to absolve yourself from some of the nonsense. The way things are, people are happy to stoke your fear, rage, and hate. And, the only thing you can control is how you respond to this attack. Free your mind from the problems. Let go of the rage, hate, and anger. To do that, you have to understand that things are changing, and some of it is messy.

We need a good leader to guide us through these changes, someone that calms our fears, and makes us feel safer to be living. When people have their freedom at stake, they feel threatened. And that causes all sorts of bad feelings from everyone.

If not kept in check, this is going to have bad results. Really you have to free your mind from these vicious insults, and take care of your peace of mind. It is the only way to be at peace with yourself. And, they will try to rob you of your peace.

You have to work, every day to keep your sense of self, your self respect, and your dignity intact. And you can not feed your mind rubbish that destroys your peace of mind. This includes what you tell yourself about the current situations we are all facing.

Things in this world are changing.

The only way to survive this mess, is by being able to adapt to the changes. We need leaders that make us feel safe about these changes, and makes us feel like our freedom will remain intact, that we will have our free will, and our dignity intact.

If you don’t have good leaders that make you feel safe about these changes, then be one yourself. Really you have to take control of your own responses and have the power in yourself to be at peace with the changes that are taking place.

This might mean, understanding why things are changing. When people only do things for money, it has a different feel to it, then when people do things for love. People have become too puffed up with pride, and have taken the easiest paths to the top. We are going to have to do some things that require doing our work, our due diligence, and have patience while the world adapts to the changes.


You have to respect people for the choices they make along the way. Some of this stuff, is really quite messy; and people feel hurt along the way. It could be done cleaner, with less mess, and people would follow along at a great pace. If only we had leaders that were leading in the understanding of these changes. People when they have their freedoms taken from them, feel threatened. It is difficult to keep your peace of mind, when you feel threatened, and hurt.

When people have their freedom, they feel safe, secure, and at peace. And people are out there, that want to stoke your rage, hate, and anger. Nothing unites people, like a common hatred. So who are you uniting with in your common hatred they are stoking? See the problem? You have to be smarter than that. Keep yourself free from being trapped by anger, and hate. Really love is the only solution.

Walk Like

Be a Jedi, and walk like a buddha. You have to be able to have self control, and self respect. To keep these intact, you are going to have to do some things that seem super human. You are going to have to be a better person. This requires change, and patience. The time to start working on these things, was twenty years ago. Still, if you start now, you might be able to do okay. Don’t wait for anyone to show you the way. Start today.

Having patience is important. You have to be at peace, and understand the situation that is really taking place. A lot of people, are being gas lit, to incite rage, anger, and hate. Why? Because nothing unites people like a common hate. So be careful what you hate, and guard your peace of mind. Don’t feed yourself junk.

Think about the beauty, and grace you can have under these situations. It takes some real effort, but you can do it. We believe you have what it takes to do better, to live better, and have peace.

To Have Peace

To have peace, people have to feel like, this world is not a prison. They have to have their freedom of speech, freedom to control their bodies, and freedom from oppression.

Pity, the world is a prison. And there is so much oppression. We all need some comfort, and something to relax. Be careful, what hate you allow into your life, because it’s only possible to contain so much rage, and hate. Make life beautiful, do yourself a favor, try to make the best of it, and be happy about it.

What we advise, is that you do not be unhappy before the crisis comes. Life is changing, and you will have to adapt to the changes, and like them. It is the only way to survive.

French Absolution

Got to put some beauty back into life. Somehow, the ugly parts of life, have seeped into the framework of how people are living. Isn’t the above photo really beautiful? Wish we had some photos like that.

A Sense of Humor

It helps in life, if you have a sense of humor about life. Even in this shit, one should find a way to keep their sense of humor. After all, take yourself too seriously, and you might not be very happy. Make the best of life, enjoy living. Even when stuff seems like it sucks, it helps to have a sense of humor about yourself. It might be the only way to get through it. And we will get through whether we want to or not, might as well enjoy it a little.

Sometimes, life gets all too heavy. No one is going to carry all that, and you might as well let go of some of the heavy stuff. If there is nothing you can do about it, why carry it? Only carry the stuff you can do something about. You know?


The world, seems to be changing. They say, “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” I’ve thought about it, we are going to have to be smarter than that. “Change is the ability to adapt to intelligence.” If you think about machines that want to rule, its the only way to beat it. Sometimes, you have to be dumb, to be smart.

“We’re you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?”

I took lessons

Lots of things in the world are starting to happen. And, maybe some of them will be for the better. You would think more would be possible for people these days. Some have hope, in alien technology. I’ve thought about it, I want some technology that was developed thousands of years ago, and we just don’t have it yet. Much is possible, if you think about the fact, we are living in the stone ages of the twenty-first century.

Maybe, people will be able to afford to live again. Well, that may be far fetched. Still, we can hope. There is this issue, I want new wet wear. Seems, I need a new suit. This old world, everything fills up. We should just hope, that we don’t run out of hard disk space. The jam that would leave the world in, some junked up computer in the matrix, without the ability to reboot. That would be a shit loop to be stuck into.

Wrote my first C++ program. Not much, but it does something neat. So it’s all good. Need to work on my skills, and get a lot better. Sometimes, you just want things to work. Now, if I could get music to write, I would feel a lot better. I love making music.

The French

Nothing wrong with the French. Nice good people. We would do well to learn a few things about culture from the french. They may have some of the problems really worked out. Maybe, life will change a bit. Needed a girlfriend, and the way people have treated me in this country, seems like they don’t give a shit. Maybe, it is a bit too late to solve the equation? Maybe so.

We could all learn something from someone. Maybe, the way things are, people would wake up; and start thinking. This pot on the fire, is about to boil dry, and burn a hole in the kettle. Then, you’re going to have to call a specialist to repair the kettle. Let’s hope, they don’t try to repurpose the kettle into making more bullets. The world seems to be just two feet short of kindness. Maybe people should grow an extra leg to stand upon? The last thing we need is for the cane to be a fashion statement. A cape maybe, but not a cane.


Set your mind free from these ugly ideas. See the beauty in life, and have a sense of humor about life. Life is meant to be lived, and if you don’t know how to lighten up, pour yourself a nice drink. At least then, you might enjoy the serious stuff in an absurd way. And, life is absurd. They don’t know how to be people anymore. They all seem like, robots to me. Mechanical minds, mechanical hearts. Not much better than the machines that want to rule this world. Really you have to absolve yourself from the crap, free your mind from the problems, and look for solutions.

There is some comfort to be had, if you can estimate your prize in broken mathematics, and some door that doesn’t open. You get the Sunday paper, and maybe a cup of coffee. It’s only a prize if they still make the cartoons anymore? Anyone know? Seems they don’t make papers on Sunday anymore. No one reads.

So that leaves you a cup of coffee, and the sky to look at. Well. There is some comfort to be had in this world still. If you don’t expect too much, then you might get through it.

The happiest are: Those who need the least, and still have their needs met.

The happiest

Keep your heart on guard, for it is treacherous, who can know the heart, or the logic of passion? Be careful not to spew poison, even in jest. William Blake said, “The truth told with bad intent beats all the lies you could invent.” Be kind in life, people need some humor in their lives. Work to develop a sense of humor, and tend to your persona.

Amidst The Chaos

Some things I need to say. . .

Life is getting tougher, and we are going to have to find a safe place to land; it is inevitable. The world has not been being kind. It seems, life has been kicking my dog.

We need to make life kind again. Seems, some people don’t want that to happen. Why the cruelty these days? Art, and primarily beauty is about making life easier to endure. So many people, have a really ugly outlook about life right now. STOP! Put some beauty back into life, before it is too late. You have to do something, to stop the cycles from destroying you.

Get Tough

You’re going to have to accept some things in life. Life isn’t going to be like you want, it’s going to be the way they want it to be. You are going to have to change with the way things are going to be, and not fight everything tooth and nail.

This might mean, having to eat plants that resemble fake meat. It might mean, having to eat GMO food products. It might mean, having to take a pill everyday. It might mean, you get to live another day. Harsh truths, are tough to swallow. Sometimes, you don’t have a choice in the matter.

Wanted Life Better

Wanted my life to be better. They refuse to abide by the way I wanted life to be. Seems, my feelings didn’t matter worth a damn to any of them. Pity. I hope they can stomach the medicine. It’s going to be some bitter stuff. What goes around, has its ways of coming around. You know?

Walk Like A Buddha

Amidst the chaos, you are going to have to walk like a buddha. There is a certain amount of having to be like water, just to stay afloat, you’re going to have to adapt to the changes, and like them.

We have to develop a new sense of intelligence. Life is changing, and if you want to survive, you are going to have to adapt. Be wise, learn to make the best sense of things, go with some of the flow, make life a beauty. Being ugly about the way life is, only serves to make life more ugly. We as a group of people, have to put beauty back into life, and adapt to the changes that are taking place.

The changes may not all be good. However, if you think about it, we are all dying anyways. We might as well make the best of it, and enjoy living while we have life to enjoy. Being angry, and spiteful about living under the current situations, doesn’t add beauty to life.

Life will be the way they want it to be. Even if that means life will end as we know it. But to be wise, we have to adapt to the changes, and like it. It is the only real way to make peace with it. And having peace is important to everyone.

They don’t care about us. Never did, never will. Yet, we have to change with the shit, and roll with it. Life is changing. It always is. No one is happy with the way things are right now, a lot of things are in a real state of flux. And its causing some real chaos.

We have to be wise. The species is going to change. Life will go on, and maybe someday, life will be better. The way people have treated each other isn’t really good. We are all to blame; yet, the system holds us down. Trying to make sense of it, would require being in the know of things, they don’t want you to know.

Eat the food, take the pill, wait for your death with glee and a smile on your face. Look at the pretty days, enjoy the flowers, and have a nice day. What else can a person do? They say, “Resistance is futile.”

Seems, the world has been taken over by ugly Vogons. They don’t care, and they have a plan to put a machine in charge, so they can take beautiful vacations in space. But you will not be allowed to have any more beauty than the fun stuff they put on the TV for you to watch. Plant a garden, do something beautiful. Make the best of your life. It’s likely to be short, and no one is going to be happy.


They drug you to be happy and enjoy the food, the experience, then you can be a warm sack of shit, sitting in front of the TV; being perfectly happy about the food, the air, and the great quality of the television.

They didn’t care about my experience. They wanted a warm sack of shit from me. When the door swings the other way, you should watch your step. The world, it seems is a sick place. A lot of people don’t know what to do about it, and most people couldn’t make a good choice if they wanted to.

The Worlds Identity Crisis

The world is confused. It doesn’t know, which shirt to wear, or what pair of pants to put on in the morning. Seems, it’s trying to wear a business suit, to play in the mud. Maybe, we should do something about the people who want to make bubble gum?

What comes to mind, is a song by “The Pretty Reckless”, the song, “Death by rock and roll.” Seems this world is going to be the end of many a good people. Some graveyard full of tombstones that read, “Killed by rock and roll.” Maybe rock and roll is good stuff, if it doesn’t kill ya.

The world, seems confused by the numbers. It doesn’t know if everyone is so filthy rich that it can raise the price of everything, or if everyone is so poor, the prices should all come down. Seems, the world is confused by the digits in the ether. Some people, have plenty. While most of us are about to starve to death.

The world is confused. It doesn’t know, if it wants to be a girl, or a boy. I guess, it hasn’t looked in its own pants. Maybe, its a girl and a boy in two different bodies. That it seems, would be best. But why we aren’t able to all get along about it, I don’t know; and have yet to understand. Seems, I’m confused about why people are confused.

It is not difficult to figure out. Take a mirror, and check. That should solve all the questions you have. If you ain’t got it, you ain’t it. End of story; full stop!

Stop trying to be something you are not. Take what you have, and make damn good use of it. You know, people should give a damn. The way things are, a lot of people, need to take a minute and figure out what they have to work with, and make damn good use of it.

Life has to get better, and hoping for something you ain’t got, is only going to make the world a worse place. Make do with the body you have now, and hope you get better in your next life. Much is possible, and much can be done to change your nature in the future. However, you need to work with what you got, while you got it!

People seem to be confused, about the how? Maybe, they should worry about the why, and leave the how to someone else to figure out. A lot of people want their lives to be better. Work with what you have, and make the best use of what you got.

Being content with what you have, can do wonders. The point is, to make good use of it. People are all wasting their effort, time, and talents, because they don’t understand what they do have.

In case, you don’t know: Life is meant to be lived. The world’s identity crisis seems to be coming to a boil. It is in the kettle, and the kettle is about to boil dry, and burn a hole in the bottom of the kettle. Which will require someone to repurpose the kettle into something else. We all hope they don’t use it to make more bullets. Mending holes in the bottom of pans, is not the kind of work that pays the bills. But this pan, needs fixed before it reaches that point.

The only solution is take the kettle off the fire, before it burns a hole in the bottom. It has boiled dry, and if not tended to, will result in disaster. So, STOP, THINK, LISTEN!! Then, think some more.

People it seems have become so dumb, they don’t understand what they are looking at. Is that a boy, or a girl? These days, you never know. Life has to get a lot better. We need to get back to being true. People are so fake these days, they have lost their way.

The real problem, seems is life is about to end. Well, put on my tombstone: “Killed by Rock and Roll.” It can be good stuff, if you don’t listen to it far too loud. It is only when you turn the volume up to full blast that it is fatal.

Bored. No one gives a shit what I write. No one will read this, no one cares. Pity life is so fucked up. People, don’t read anymore. They don’t give a shit, and likely will never care. You should do something about this world’s identity crisis before its too late. I’m saying it now, the world needs your help, be a good person, before it is too late.

Get your shit together, and start living like real people. The zombie cat shit, has to end. You got to get your shit figured out, while there is time; and it is almost too late. Capich?

How To Live

pigeons with no wings envy fish that fly.  . .

Enjoy your life. Make the best of it. Times are rough, you have to be tough. It is possible, you can do it. Sometimes, you need a thought to share, that people value! Value is in the eye of the beholder. What one person holds in high esteem, is rubbish to someone else.

Take for instance effort, skill, and talent. You may be very good at what you do; however, there are always people that will never respect you for it. Seems, people don’t value the same things today.

It is almost impossible to make art, that everyone really likes. There will be the nay sayers. There is some hope, some people will like it, or even dare say I; enjoy it. Not everyone sees things the way you do.

Really, that has to be okay. It isn’t their work. They shouldn’t hate you because of your work, and you would think; they would show some respect for you from it. They won’t. People don’t respect, effort, skill, or talent. They don’t care about the thought you put into it, or the life events you have experienced to get to there.

They care about themselves. That is all they care about. They won’t ever give a damn about you, or your work. This however, is not hopeless. Time has its ways of making people see reason. Seasons change, and so do people’s tastes. We are in a rough part of time these days. So many people are just not happy, it seems they hate everything, and everyone. Good time to keep that work, buried in the closet.

They don’t appreciate anything. To quote Jack Kerouac,

Everything is more instant than interesting.


And now, for the meat. Instagram seems to be a dying platform. They may instantaneously fade from view. We liked them, but it seems people are so unhappy, things are changing all around us.

A person would have to wonder, if this crazy ride is ever going to stop, and get better? Seems, there is no getting off the ride. But what of our future? Does it only have hope of ending a total destruction of everything we have ever worked for with hopes and dreams?

Some people, want a better world. Some people want to screw everything up along the way. And some people, want people to see that balance, and reason are essential. Too much of anything is a problem in most situations. The problem today, most people are not being reasonable. Pity.

How do we change this path of harm? Seems, no one will listen to me about it. They pay no never mind to me. Wanted my life to be better, but the way things are; seems I’m wasting my breath.

Needed some way to change the balance of the way things are. The problem most people have today, is they spend a lot of time thinking, but the wheels aren’t turning. The gears are in neutral. Pity.

If people were to really listen, some of the problems might get better. One can at least hope for it. Sometimes, there are no good solutions. Feeling like, damn it. No one cared.

Vivo Vim

Life goes on. Me, I’m thinking about leaving. Maybe for good. Well, that is what Beth Wood sings about in her song, “Leaving.” Been thinking about rubbish. Some idea a movie plot contained. You know, a movie can be a really moving thing, in emotional terms.

Seems, no one cares. Someone is going to have to care. How about you? Why not? Someone should give a damn, why not you? Really, there is no excuse for the way things are. It is only getting worse, and someone is going to have to give a shit. Take care of the important stuff first. ie: make sure everyone has something to eat.

This idea, that machines are going to take over the world, and rule; is not that absurd. It might be worth considering the way things are, some people actually want that to happen. Why they do things that are not intelligent, is beyond me.

The idea, that a computer will be paranoid is something you will want to think about. A machine that has fear, will do anything to stay living. And that will spell disaster for many. Seems, there may be some good use for a robot like Marvin from Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. Maybe, he could talk some sense into them?

Seems, the Borg; have some fear, like they think someone is going to shut their power off. Pity, the Borg are too dumb to understand the argument. They have one track minds, with little else they can think of. Really, something must be done about the Borg.

Pity, no one to talk with. The Borg have completely taken over. They look just like humans. Yet, what lurks under that skin? Are they any more than living clay with spirits dead? Would like to know. Seems, they are all ghosting me, they won’t talk with me about anything.

Life has to get a lot better. This isolation is not good. Not a friend in this world. Damn it, not one. It isn’t right. If you ask me, it’s immoral for them to ghost me like they do. Don’t they understand it hurts me?

Seems, they don’t care. They are not bothered by isolation. Pity, the Borg don’t want anyone to have friends. They are all one and the same. So they never feel alone. They don’t care about me, a real person with feelings, and needs. They won’t care about you either.

Really, something has to be done about it. They can not be allowed to rule. A machine will never care about you. Not ever. You can make a machine smart, but you will never be able to make it care for real. And, that is a problem. They have one track minds.

I’m bored with the way things are. Something has to change. Seems, the only thing that gets changed around here, is my socks. Well, those and my underwear. But, who is counting? Some Borg with a wall of screens.

They don’t care about you. They never have, they never will. Something has to be done, this life, this world. The problems here. They don’t think, they don’t listen, they don’t read. If they do, they fail to understand it. One track minds.

Vivo Vim, means the living force in latin. Seems, the way things are, some people are the living dead. This zombie cat shit, is an existence. But it is not much more than a living death. No one reads, no one thinks, no one cared. Life goes on. Pity, they wouldn’t listen to me about anything. Life needs to be better for everyone. You know? Tell me about it!

Seems, this world is going to need some vivo vim, just to survive. The days coming, will change the way things are. There will be no going back. Life is about change; and sometimes, it doesn’t change for the better. It is not what you thought it would be, everyone is in for some real surprises. You might be shocked.

Need some change around this world. Life has to get better. Seems, no one listens. Such is life. Believe in kindness, it might save your life. The way things are going, people have to learn how to be kind again. It is going to take some effort. And the Borg, are machines that care nothing about you. Never did, never will.

Read My Book

I want you to read my book, it is free in epub format.

What is it about?

This book deals with the topics of how to heal from things that might have otherwise destroyed you. It uses controlling your thoughts, and having self mastery as a tool for self improvement.

You can learn, through the use of journaling, how to control your thoughts, and develop self mastery for yourself.

This book was taken from blog posts that were once on this site, and since no one has bought the book in hardcover, I’m going to make it available in epub format, for free!

Where to get the book

You can get the book from this blog post, [link removed] ask!!. You can also buy a copy of the book in hardcover format if you want one, by using this link: My Digital Chaos.

I’m bored. None of my projects have seen success. Which is good and bad. Mostly its not great, because I needed the success to build further projects. So far, waiting for my death the way this is.

My Digital Chaos

The book is called, My Digital Chaos. It is about two hundred pages, and can be downloaded for free. You should read it, it might change your life. The way the world is, I have advanced knowledge of the life you’re going to be living. You want to listen, while there is time.


You don’t want to be reduced to living like zombie cat shit without being sufficiently armed. This means, being intellectually armed in every sense. You want to have more than the comic book at your disposal.

We Care A Lot

We care about you, and want something good for everyone. You have to understand, if you went through what I have, you would want someone to know how you survived it, right?

It is about having people that understand, how I dealt with the problems, that have caused me to exist like zombie cat shit, and what I’ve done to try and deal with it.

You won’t want to live my life. You wouldn’t like it much. You can save yourself a lot of pain, by reading my book and learning the lessons from it. It might save you having to live my life; however, I don’t guarantee it. You might have to live my life, regardless.

Read the book, and find out what the rub is about. When you live my life just like it was, you will have a head start on the competition. You won’t want to go into it without being fully armed intellectually.

Solutions To Most Things

Hold my hand as we count the hours?

Solutions are not difficult to come by. If you can think, reason, and use logic. If you have the ability to do that, you really don’t need this article. However, if you are lacking, for the sake of rhetoric, I will give some nice details.


By having some love, many problems can be solved. Talk with people, listen to what they have to say. Think about their lives, and work to understand their perspective.

There is much to be said, about trying to understand someone else’s perspective. And really, if you are loving; you will want to understand them better.

Have some love, hug, hold, and cherish others. Look for what you can like about them, and don’t find fault in everything they do. Look for the good in others, if you are really thinking; you won’t have to look far.

Be Creative

Spend a few hours a day, being creative. Develop skill, and talent in something creative; and make use of your skills in the best ways possible. There is much to be said for being productive, and being creative is a win win type thing. It will give you something to do, and will produce something at the same time. Produce something great.

You will develop a sense of self mastery through your efforts. You will find meaning and purpose in creating something you like. Do what you can, be useful, and give people your work. They might like that. Give people good things.

Make Good Choices

Success comes from a long line of making good choices. It doesn’t happen by accident. You have to make good choices, and keep doing the same for a long time. By making good choices, you can be in a better situation to make further good choices. That leads to success.

Make good use of your time, your effort, and your skill. The best things will make you grow, use your skill and take some effort. Don’t always do what is just the easiest thing; sometimes, you have to put forth some real effort. Don’t be in the bad habit of being so comfortable that everything is difficult. That won’t lead to success. If anything, the path of most comfort, and ease; leads to failure.

Find a happy medium, where work is fun, and you do good work. Life will be better for it. The more you do, the better life will get. Life is meant to be lived. Do some real living. A life of ease and comfort can be something to be had, if you do what is difficult before it’s too late.

Things that SUCK!

Don’t think having a million followers on Instagram, or tik tok, and then marketing your book, art, poetry to them will make your life better. If anything, you are going to waste a lot of time, in futile effort trying to gain thousands of followers, and be very unhappy with the process. Stand in front of a donut shop, and give out flyers. You will have better success.

The state of the internet is not good. You can forget having success with online ventures. These days, its pointless to even try that route. You are going to have to have some serious backup plans if you want to go down that road. Like a winning lottery ticket already cashed in.

Speaking of the lottery. Don’t play. You will waste your effort, money, and build unrealistic hopes and dreams. Instead, take your time to build being content, and satisfied with the life you already have. Do what you can to make your life worth living, and enjoy being alive.

Suck the marrow from life. Sing, dance, eat good food. Listen to music, and write bad poetry. Draw, and paint, and doodle. Send them to your dog, for inspection. If your dog approves of them, they are good enough. Do make fido happy. You want to impress the little darling.

Wasting your time, moping, or not doing something that produces fine fruit, will not result in happiness. You have to get real living in. Make the most of it. Do what you can, while you can. Make your life great. You don’t want to be old, and wish you had lived a full life. Live your life, while you can, start today. Make good choices, and keep doing good things for yourself, and others.

Living vs Existence


There is a difference between living, and just existing. Be sure, you are doing some real living; and not just existing like a warm sack of poo.

Make good choices, and be creative. Do what you can, to make the most of it. You have to dream a bit, and really have some love of life. You have to be more than just existing. Life is meant to be lived. Get something out of your living. If nothing else, be useful to others, and make their lives worth living. That is good too. Find something useful, and that gives you meaning and purpose to being alive. Enjoy your life.

Are You A Robot?

Thinking about awareness, consciousness. Is anyone in this world more than living clay? Can you prove it? Seems, these people, they don’t listen, they don’t think, and they can not reason.

They have ears; yet, they don’t hear. They have eyes; yet they don’t understand. What is wrong with the world that these problems are present? Seems, no one is able to have a conversation.

The world, is sick. People have lost their kindness. They don’t know how to be more than idiots. What is wrong with the world today? Why do we have these problems? If not kept in check, it will spiral out of control. We don’t want that to happen.

People have to start to care about others. Right quick! Someone is going to have to care about more than money, and power, and give a shit about being a decent human being.

The isolation, the stonewalling, and silent treatment sucks. Not able to change my life. And, today will not be different in a thousand yesterdays. Tired of the world like it is. They don’t think. They don’t want to listen. Why?


If you were in solitary confinement, would you be happy, or even functioning very well? Not likely. Yet, here I am. This life is not what I had in mind. My thoughts were that my life would have value, that my life would have meaning, and purpose.

The way that I’m being treated, my life feels worthless. The isolation sucks. It feels like punishment from God. Why?

No one cares. No one listens. They could not be bothered. Not a friend in the world. No one to write, or talk with. No one calls, no one writes, no one really texts me. I’ve been in this shit, a long time. Going on two years. I’m not able to change this shit. No one wants to help, no one wants to talk with me. Why?

What is the problem, that the human race is ghosting me? Why will no one write me back? Why will no one really talk with me? What is the damn problem? I think, the world is sick. It is a problem with the current situation. People are lost, and acting like damn robots.

We wanted a lot better than this. Why are people so screwed up? Does no one give a shit? It feels like this world, is on the brink. Like everyone is about to have a nervous break down, and cry in the isle with the cheese, and diapers.

People have to start thinking. No one is listening. Everyone talks a lot, but no one is really listening. They don’t want to change their ways. The change is too difficult for them to grasp. They don’t want better, they don’t want to do what is best. They want to stay broken. Why?

Thinking is difficult. They are not accustom to thinking. They let everyone else do the thinking, and everyone else has turned their thinking over to someone else. So who is in control? The world is screwed up place. Someone should have been more careful.

Tired of being alone like I am.. This isolation, the stonewalling, silent treatment, its abusive. I think, my Stockholm syndrome has worn off. Tired of the abuse, the treatment, and conditions.

My life is not very good. It should have been a lot better. No one will come to my aid. No one is coming to rescue me. No one gives a shit.

Waiting for the day, I drop dead.

Clever Mind Hacks To Change Your Diapers – Free Advice

You need to change. . .

The world today, needs to change its diapers. The current situation is starting to smell so bad, even me with my rotting teeth can not stand the stench.

Something has to be done. This world, this lifestyle. How do you not gag on it, is it not a mouthful of poo? And yet, you swallow it with glee. “That is the way things are.” you say. Make the best of it, and count your blessings.

Someone should have told them, they are doing it wrong. They would never listen to me. Pity. They want some alien technology to solve all their problems, but don’t want to lift a finger to make life better for someone else; even when it is in their power to do such.

The world, is an asylum. Some of us are medicated. What should scare the shit out of you, is a lot of them are not even medicated. Pity the world, is a sick place. Wanted the world to be a better place. They won’t listen to me about it. Abuse continues to happen. No one even cares.

The way things are, someone should start to care. Something is wrong with the world. People don’t care about anyone these days. Something has to happen, that makes people start to care about their fellow beings. People today, it seems just don’t give a damn.

It is immoral the way people don’t care about each other. We should be giving a damn about other people, then world events. Seems, the only thing people understand today is money. People only like you, if you have something they want. And these days, people are rabid about getting more money. They don’t give a damn about your being.

People used to give a damn. People used to care.

They lost their magic; many, many years ago. I was born to sail away. Not to be tied to a stone grave. I was made to love magic.

– Nick Drake

Bored with my life. This living death, this zombie cat shit of an existence. They seem so pleased with living like this. There is no life here. This existence, no one cares about me. It is like, I’m worthless trash to them.

Someone should start to care again. Life will not be a good place if kindness becomes a luxury good. You want better than that, right? I know, that I do. It is important to me. My thoughts about this should matter, someone should care? Anyone?

The world is a sick place. They don’t even listen anymore. They talk, and talk. But listening, they don’t understand what you say. Pity!!

Needed some care. Needed some love. Everyone needs someone sometimes. Feeling like, this life has been ruthless cruel. Seems, no one will understand my suffering. No one will understand my pain. And it seems, they could not even give a shit!

Life like it is, something has to be done. The way this is, no one listens. No one cares. Are they even real people? There is reason to believe, many of them are pumpkin heads. The world, is a sick place.

Wanted my life to be worth living. Wanted to make a difference in the world that was worthy of living. Seems, no one will listen to me. My effort is ignored, and treated like rubbish. Some sick world they are going to have to live in. Pity, we want life to be better than this.

What haven’t we said, that they fail to understand what we mean? Seems, they are pumpkin heads to the max. Seems, no one listens. They could not even care. Some sick world we live in.

Who could know, what happens in your mind? Leave your mind behind. Some sighs, tell your story to the wind.

Nick Drake

Colder Weather

I think, the cold is starting to wear the crickets down. They have slowed their chime, to a slow crawl. Such is life, my life seems hardly matters. I was in thought today, wrote a poem. About change, and the need for change. Pity, no one will read it.

The colder days, and the shorter days. Seems winter is coming, the days are getting much shorter. There is some comfort in autumn. Change, but it always brings the spring. More change.

There is need to find a safe place to land, to get comfortable where one is stationed, and make the best of it. There is some reason to believe; that God has willed it be such. Even in divine plans, there may be some discomfort to be had. Endure what you must.

My life feels meaningless, my services are not wanted here. They have no need from me. They don’t want to talk with me, they surely don’t want my company. That much is obvious. Seems, that what they want from me, is a warm sack of shit. Wanted my life to mean more to them, then that.

Seems, no matter what I do, no matter how much effort I put forth. It will all be treated like worthless rubbish. I might have done something for them, they might have even liked it. At this point, the double binds are so tight, no one can breath. Some stalemate.

Time should have made it better. It can heal wounds, even wounds like these. But they have to stop hurting you, before you can heal. Otherwise, it just develops into so much scar tissue, that the wounds seem to go on and on. . .

Who can judge these quiet moments, of passing time. The skill required is great. To be content while in pain, to endure hurt and loss, you can not cure, or fix.

The conditions that one must wait in, determines how calm the situation is. When there is nothing but pain, chaos will unfold. Sometimes, they want to hurt you; and even then to be forgiving with the thumb.

What can be done? Likely, we are going to have to wait. One persons paradise, is another mans hell. Seems, they have told me, to go to hell, and wait. The irony of fate. Do be kind to others. Karma it seems, may have a sense of humor.

True Grit

Life is rough, and if a man wants to make it; he has to be tough. – Johnny Cash

The way things are, life is not getting better. People are going to have to learn how to be kind again. Yet, they are going to have to be pretty damn tough. The way this is, life isn’t better.

The way life is, people don’t listen. They don’t think. Pity. Not sure what everyone is doing these days. How are you living? Not much going on. The way this is.

The isolation sucks. Everyone needs someone sometimes. Been without a long time. They don’t seem to give a shit. Doesn’t bother them to hurt me like they do. They do not even care.

Someone should have cared by now. You would think, someone would have noticed by now? Seems, the world is a screwed up place. People have their lives, but are they really living? How many people are living like damn zombie cat shit? Pity.

The world, it seems is on the brink. A turning point. Going to have to be pretty damn tough to make it through it. Going to have to show some true grit. You know? Bored with being alone. Need some road out of here. Nowhere to go.

Not much going on. Living like a warm sack of shit. Not much better, then eating, sleeping, and shitting. Life is supposed to be more than that. By a lot. Pity, someone wants it this way.

Not sure what to do about it. No one listens. No one reads. They treat me like I don’t matter. Well, not to them. Life should have been a lot better. There is no excuse.

How you living? Are you active? Do you have enough to eat? Looking at a cold winter this year. Not much going on. Waiting for life to change. It should have changed already. I don’t know what went wrong. Or where it went wrong?

Doesn’t seem to matter what I write. No one gives a shit. The modus operandi of the world seems to be: “No one cares.” Pity, someone should have cared. It’s not right. Feeling like, damn it. Modern life. This living death. Damn zombie cat shit.

And no one really cares. This world is sick. Life is meant to be lived. One should be able to live well. You would think, we would all be living the life of our dreams these days. This is not my dream. It must be someone’s dream; however, I doubt it’s my dream.

Need a better dreamer. Maybe, someday. Everyone has some hopes, and dreams. Something they want to do. Or see happen. Needed my life to change for the better. Needed it a long time ago.

It is a fu**ed up world. They don’t listen. They don’t think. Not sure, how to reach their hearts and minds. Seems useless to try. Borg. They have their heads all programmed for them. That is why, no one gives a shit. They don’t know better. Twisted!!

Not making progress. Not able to see my life change. Seems, there is nothing that I can do to make this better. Not much else, that I can give up, or quit. Tired of the failure, the lack of success. Tired of the fact, people ignore me, and my work. They just don’t care. Maybe, it’s nothing personal. Sometimes, it doesn’t feel that way.

The Last Day

This story was written about a year ago. Posting here, for your thoughts, and ideas.

The Last Day

From a deep sleep I wake up in my bed. It is six thirty in the morning. I look at my wife, and think, “Shit, I don’t believe this is my last day to live.” It’s just not been enough time to really live. I get up and go brew coffee. A few minutes later Dana comes in and gives me a hug.

“You know today is my last day alive, right?” I say to her as she holds my hand in hers. “Oh honey, I’m busy today, I know you told me two weeks ago, but I’ve got plans today.”

I shake my head in disbelief and wonder where I went wrong. “I was hoping to spend today with you, and to have some of our last moments together. You can’t do that for me?”

She looks at me in a disapproving manner for scolding her, “No dear, I’m sorry, I have to take Jane to Disneyland today, I had the plans months ago.”

I let go of her hand and just search her eyes, looking for some sign she is joking. I can not believe what I’m hearing. She doesn’t invite me to go with them, and she is serious.

“If it will make you feel better, I can hold your hand tomorrow when you die, would that help?” she says to me looking like she is serious.

“Yeah, okay. Well I hope you and Jane have a nice day. Don’t stay out too late.” I say to her and take my cup of coffee to the other room to try and pull myself together. I can not believe what a bitch she is.

I check my email, everyone knew weeks ago that tomorrow is my last day to live in this world. So far I’ve heard from two people. I thought that I had friends, or people that at least liked me. It’s like I’m already dead to them. Maybe for all practical purposes, I’m as good as dead to them.

Dana is getting the house, and everything I’ve worked the last fifty years of my life for. There is no other plans really, just the fact that tomorrow I will die.

No email. Life has been rough. Maybe it’s good I’m going to die, no one will miss me. They don’t give a shit. I get dressed, and take my coffee seriously for the last time.

I go for a walk, then a long drive to nowhere. Just driving in my car. No one to spend the time with, its like life is going to stop for me, yet they will all go about their lives like nothing happened.

Maybe it’s like I wasn’t even really here at all. Maybe I will be the distant memory of what they knew, but nothing more than that.

I can’t believe how they have treated me. It’s like they take pleasure in knowing I’m leaving. Wish it were better. I see a guy begging for something to eat on the side of the road in front of a restaurant. I stop the car and get out.

The guy looks like he’s in bad shape, maybe hasn’t eaten in a week or something. I approach him cautiously but directly, and wave from about ten feet away.

“Hello, are you hungry?” I ask him. “Oh sir, I’m starving, its been a while since I had something to eat.” I ask him if he would like to eat a good meal at the restaurant, and he looks at me like I’m crazy.

“I can not afford to eat there.” he says to me. I motion for him to follow and say, “Don’t worry, I’m buying, today’s my last day in this world, tomorrow I will die. It is my treat.”

He follows me, and we walk up to the front door of the restaurant. He looks at me with a sorry look and says, “Are you sure you’re buying, no tricks?”

I feel pity for him, “No tricks, I’m buying.” I say to him.

“Okay, thank you sir.”

In the process of an hour I try to get to know the man, and spend the time I could have been with Dana to get to know him a little bit. Seems he’s had some unfortunate life events, and some real trouble in his life.

He eats a meal, of modest means and thanks me when I pay for it. I ask his name, and where I can find him again. Then go my own way. I reckon I won’t see him again, but you never know.

My phone beeps, its a text message from Dana, it’s a picture of her and Jane at Disneyland. Looks like they are having a good time. Maybe they are having the time of their lives. I’m not. Not sure how I want to spend the rest of the day. I go back home, and look at my will.

Dana is well off, she gets everything. Tomorrow at six am, I will be dead as nails. She said she would be there to hold my hand, but after the way she treated me today, I’m not so sure its really going to be great.

I feel sorry for the guy that needed a meal. Dana has never had it so good, she is set for the rest of her life, even without my money and goods.

Then much to my dismay, Dana calls at eight thirty at night and says they have met some people, they are going for drinks, and she won’t be home tonight at all.

I’m like, “Shit” I had hoped to spend some of the evening with her. It’s like the final straw, you know? The one that broke the camels back.

I call my lawyer, and have my will changed. I decided to leave the house and everything I’ve worked for to the homeless bum I met today and had a meal with. That should piss Dana off. Serves her right for being such a bitch.

With that I go to sleep and having completed my life, find that I await to die.

When I wake up, I’m somewhere else.

Some Solutions

Solutions To Problems

Start listening to what other people really say. Much of the problems in today’s world, could be solved if people were to really listen.

Start being kind. Ghosting people, using isolation, stonewalling, and silent treatment like weapons of warfare is ruthless cruel.

Love other beings. The lack of love in today’s world, is a problem. People have forgotten how to really love, and it shows.

Stop watching TV. Really people watch too much television. Your life will never look, or feel like that. Get real, get in tune. Real life is different, and you have to make the best of it.

People need to eat. The need for quality food, and to be able to eat one good meal; every night of the week really matters.

Listen to music. By listening to music, it activates every part of the mind, and allows you to be more creative.

Drink coffee. Coffee is good for you. Have some…

Why I bother to write, is unknown. Rotting to death, waiting for life to change; and it seems, it is never going to get better.

Isolation continues to be a problem. No one to talk with. No one it seems even cares. Pity life is ruthless cruel. People should learn to be kind again. And stop oppressing others.

Bored. The way things are. Trying to deal with it.


The gas station attendant didn’t know what to do. The world it seems has changed. People no longer want, or need his services. Pity that he has a family to feed, and bills to pay.

The world runs on clean energy now. People almost gaged on the concept. We had to ram it down the throats of people for twenty years before they would begin to listen.

Maybe, people will be able to find jobs they like, and enjoy doing? There is some hope to be had, if you estimate your prize, in broken mathematics, and some door that will not open. Seems, people no longer read. They really don’t want to think. That is too much work, and effort. They want the easy route, they want easy street. Yet, they put up a lot of resistance to change, because thinking is difficult.

Change is never easy. People however, have forgotten how to be kind, and you would think a change like that would have been resisted, and blocked at every opportunity. It has happened anyways, much to the harm of humanity.

Now days, the most conversation a person can get is at the drive thru speaker when ordering their fancy drinks, and maybe paying. They love it when you pay. They don’t give a shit about anyone but the almighty dollar.

Out Of Road

Seems, the road stops here. Some dirt lot, with a trail that goes nowhere but some barren desert. What mountain top is not a dead end? Who climbs a mountain and has a road at the top taking them somewhere great? Never seen it.

Seems the roads go somewhere, they all end in some prison. Humanity keeps building these dead ends, and people keep taking the fastest route to the top. Seems, they don’t see they are going nowhere. But they are all in some hurry to get there.

If there were a road out of this cage, like a man could set himself free from society, and being oppressed. He would not find anything at the end of the road. Maybe, in nothing there is something to be had?

That is empty reasoning. Yet, life it seems has become completely absurd. There is no logic that could prepare a person for the unreasonable and insane ways people are living today.

People forty years ago, would have shit themselves had they known the world they were building. They would have done something about it. They would have used a brake, or a hammer differently.

There is no road here that goes forward. Progress is only going backwards, and everyone has a one step forward, two steps back approach. Everyone wants off this crazy ride, and wants a refund.

They always take the money

They look the other way, and take your money all the same. Some profit, some good food. Lots of free television to keep your mind from thinking, or listening to anyone else. You got, such a deal!

They don’t give a shit about anyone. Yet, they take your money, all the same. Maybe they don’t want to know; because they have their own problems, and someone is paying them good money to take yours.

Where does all that cash go? Is there some heaven for money; where it is free to live its life, and enjoy the life it never had when it was working for everyone, and their brother? Does it believe in hell?

Plenty of people, have been brought low, to some hell all the same. But there is no money there. Everyone suffers equally; free of charge. You would have to be some kind of masochist to believe you would enjoy it. And today, maybe people don’t care where they land. We are out of road, and they always take the money. However, at the top of the mountain of money; there is no road home. Everyone has to climb back down, and go somewhere, right?

What hole in the ground are you going to crawl into, when life changes, and people feel life has fucked them over? Something should have been done, a long time ago.

No one cares. No one will read this. It is absurd, like the life people are living. And if you don’t see the sense in story; maybe, they have a mountain of money waiting for you. You just have to find the right way to be kind, do what is noble, and be yourself.

Solutions To Emotional Starvation

Emotional Starvation

Life today is going to take some special talents to be able to deal with what life throws at us. One of the problems people today are facing, is emotional starvation.

This happens when they are single for too long, lack loving family, and lack friendships that have value. It can lead to all kinds of bad habits, and acting out in ways that are considered risky or harmful. See link.

Some of the ways people deal with the emotional starvation is by binging on watching tv. Watching tv is a great way to get an emotional kick and temporarily meet your emotional needs. However, because these are not real situations on tv, or even real people, just actors; it sets a bad stage for your life. Because by binging on watching tv, you will expect your real life to look and feel like the ones on television do.

It won’t work. You will be disappointed to the core. The lives people live on television are not the real lives of people, those are things that people have spent weeks and months to craft, and script. It is all controlled down the very lighting used in filming the scene. Your life will never look and feel like that.


You have some options in life. First turn off the television. Start learning, and growing your person. Learn new skills, and talents. Develop a real relationship with yourself. Spend the time to keep a journal everyday for a few years. Spend time with yourself doing things that help you grow.

Go out to places you stand a chance of meeting others. What ever you do, don’t go to the bar looking to meet people. This will result in failure. Go to a book store, a coffee shop, the library, join a club or group. There are a million ways to meet new people. Even going out in nature, you might find new connections.

Emotional starvation sucks. It will leave you reeling, and diminish your life by a lot. It can lead to substance abuse, and other bad habits. You have to meet the needs of your mind and body. Try reading a book, or learning something new. Be physically active, and get outside with your time.

Learn to be alone

You have to learn to be alone to a certain degree, but your emotional needs have to be met. If you don’t have a loving family that meets your needs, you are going to have to find a safe group of people that will help meet your needs. Some people would recommend going to church. While, I’m not one to say that, it may be a solution if you find the right group of people.

It is painful to endure emotional starvation, when no one has touched you in a year or longer. When no one gives you compliments, or kindness beyond idiot levels. You have to find ways to identify that it is emotional starvation that you are facing, and understand that you have to find other ways to meet your emotional needs that are safe, and effective.

If you can learn to be alone, and deal with the emotional starvation with out getting too mean, or hard, the feelings may ease up someday. You will always be looking for way to meet your emotional needs, and you need to find ways to live with yourself that if your needs are not met, you can still be happy!

Don’t get involved in drugs or drinking

Being sober will make your life better, and help you in situations that will make your life better. You will be ready, and prepared to meet new demands when living a clean and sober lifestyle. Using drugs may satisfy your needs in the short run, but it will never leave you feeling fulfilled.

You need to have healthy relationships that meet your needs. This will involve having some real strength about yourself. It will require more effort, and work on your part to heal, and change your life. Be prepared to do the work. To put the time into it, and make your life really great. Sometimes, you might watch tv, but understand those emotions you get from watching tv are carefully crafted to make you feel something. Too much time doing that, and you will loose your true self, and crave something artificial, and fake.

Don’t settle

Crave real relationships, and spend the time, and effort to make relationships that work for you. Keep working on relationships that will produce fruit, and be worthy of living. Don’t give up, and if you have been on junk food diet of emotional needs, you won’t know the good stuff from the junk. You have to get smart, and be wise. You have to get tough with yourself, and do the work.


Emotional starvation happens when your emotional needs are not being met. Watching tv doesn’t set realistic expectations for the rest of your life, and if you want the good stuff, the real stuff; you are going to have to learn how to make real relationships and real connections that leave you feeling like a real person.

Avoid the quick fix, the instant gratification; do what takes effort, and don’t get hooked in the first place. Find and seek real people, that are like yourself, that will encourage, and build your abilities. Quality, skill, and talent are everything.

Moral Conceptions

Morality Conceptions

Does the morality of an artist determine the value of their creative work? So far in as much that, if they are not morally perfect people, that their work is worthless?

This raises some interesting questions about life. If to say, that an artists work is worthless only based upon their lack of morality; and the only artists work that is worth anything is those who are completely perfectly moral. I must ask a question: would a perfectly moral person even be an artist?


It matters to be moral people. You should not lie, steal, cheat, slander, or mis-treat others. You should not have sex as an unmarried person, you should not use drugs, or drink alcohol. You should be peaceful, kind, and have purity.

Really in these matters, you have to be perfect in how you live, how you raise your family, and how you behave in society.

There is no room to mis-treat, abuse, or torture people for any reason. Regardless of their implied morality. So when it comes to creative work, if the creative work contains anything that does not fit the above, it is immoral.

And if the artist does not live a perfectly moral lifestyle, their work is therefore no matter how moral their work is, it is immoral. Because the artist is not pure.


Go back to living in mud huts, living without air conditioning, or plumbing. Watch the weather for entertainment, and enjoy being a zombie. You should be nothing more than a human cat, with nothing of yourself with no entertainment, no thought about living other than to eat and shit.

How much purity is enough? In water too pure, no fish swim. So how much is enough? We all want a better world to live in, where people are kind, and reasonable. And we want a world where people are not being mistreated regardless of what moral reasons they have for the abuse.

What Is Reasonable

In all things, proper balance matters an awful lot. Without proper balance, you hurt everyone. Regardless if you are doing good or bad, without proper balance you will harm people.

There is need for being reasonable. An artist has responsibilities to be reasonable in what they create. And they have the responsibility to be good people while doing such.

Living Life

If you want a living death, zombie cat shit; that might make some people happy for a while. Some people might really enjoy a living death. They may not even know better for what is right.

However, life is meant to be lived, and enjoyed. You are supposed to enjoy living, learning, and growing. Without growth, you remain stagnant without any real reason to live or exist.

It may be possible to dwell and exist in a world that is perfect, where people are reasonable, peaceful, kind and perfectly moral. But how long of that existence before you beg for death because life is a living death with nothing interesting, or useful?

If you really never get tired of living like that, and it doesn’t drive you out of your mind, are you sure that you are a real person? Maybe, you are just a program, that has some use but would never really understand what a real living person experiences. Then that raises some real moral implications for us, because you are not a real person that understands living.


The idea some people have about life, and living would remove any form of expression, or freedom. You would be reduced to living in mud huts, watching the weather for entertainment, and would have no creative way to express yourself. Some people, may enjoy living like that. But what about the rest of us? Do you really think that everyone would be content under those conditions? It would drive some people out of their minds to live like that. Really it seems there are people that are different, and want different things from living.

If you want to believe that the flute is too intense to be played or listened to; maybe, you should live in a mud hut. Because modern life is far too much for you and your kind.

Art and Artists

Live your life in a responsible way. Create work that is reasonable, and doesn’t glorify what is wrong. But if you have experiences that make a difference, then you should share those.

Live your life carefully that no one can criticizes you or your work. You have to be under a microscope and will be treated with utter contempt if you are not perfect.

There is human nature, and free will; people should find beauty in the acts of kindness from others. Don’t be too critical, or harsh with anyone. You should give people some room to breath, and be themselves. There should be room for people to express themselves, and their feelings. Try not to be too critical, because everyone is human, and makes mistakes in life. Who is perfect and without any fault?

Is Jack Kerouac’s work worthless because he wasn’t a moral person? Who in this world is any good?

Zombie cat shit sucks; but you know, give them what they want!

Lessons In Life. . .

Zombie Cat Shit

You should care. Really, it is in your best interest to give a damn. Because, if you don’t then it says you don’t care where you land, or what conditions you have to live under.

My life was once more interesting. That is to say, I was much happier once upon a time. There was a level of satisfaction, and accomplishment to my life.

That has been taken from me. The life you have matters. How are you living these days? Are you content? Are you satisfied?

Perspective is everything. Much can be said about being content with what you have, many have expounded upon the virtues of being grateful for what you have.

What makes life worth living? What do you expect from your life, that makes the difference between living a good life, and a living death? What quality do you expect from your life, to make it enjoyable, and worthy of living?

One could say, that quality is everything. Some people, are content with mediocre, and perfectly content with any existence they are given. Are you one of those people?

What makes your life valuable, what gives you meaning and purpose in your life? Would you like to know what life could be like?

My aspirations were great. There was much that I demanded from myself. To be honest, I expected nothing less than perfect from myself. It was because there is the value of quality that makes my life feel worthy of living. Not so much the quantity, but the quality really matters.

Life can change. Before you know it. You should care. It is your life we are talking about, your future we are talking about. My future is here now; and to be honest, it is not great.

If you didn’t like the way you smell, you would want to change it, right? But what if you didn’t like your life? How could you change your life for the better? I will let you in on a secret.

Life is meant to be lived. You’re supposed to be happy and content with being physically active, by having friends, working a decent job, and making a nice life for yourself. Much can be said, for being creative, and thinking. That is what most people, in my mind want to do.

Let me tell you a story.

Five Years Ago

It was five years ago that I broke up with my girlfriend. Woke up one morning, and moved my stuff out of her house, went back to live with my mother. It seemed like the only option at the time. Looking at it now, neither option would have been a winning solution. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

You see, sometimes in life there is no winning. Sometimes, you have to make a choice and live with the choices you make. Make good choices, and you often get good results. Make bad choices, and you often get bad results.

It was a good choice to leave my girlfriend. Moving back in with my mother, was the only option I had. Dynamics are an important thing; damage them, and you will regret ever being born.

My relationships have been damaged for so long, there is no repairing them. Try as I may. When people like you, they see the best in you. When they don’t like you; they see the worst in you.

I wanted people to see some good in me. It was necessary to have some love in my life. And sometimes, you have to give a bit of yourself to gain their love. Love is give and take, never take more than you need; and always give more than you take.

It is really simple, if you want to be loved; you have to give something people want. Well, you have to have something people want to start with. What could a person have besides money, or social status that people would want?

A poor man, has fewer options in life. A poor man, has fewer friends in life. That reduces the money, and the social status factors a great deal. Seems, good people are not enough in today’s society. They want more. You have to be special. You have to have some quality that makes you stand out, makes you shine, and gives them a feeling of being alike. People like others like themselves. They can identify with that. That gives them some sense of kinship, and understanding to go with it.

That is why, having a job, being married, and having offspring matter. Because that is what most people have, and do with their lives. So they want to identify with that.

If you took a normal person, and put them into my life for a day; they would loose their minds after four hours. They would have no idea how to deal with it. My life is so far removed from normal peoples existence, they don’t understand it. Most people, would never make it a week in my shoes. Let’s look at what a normal day looks like for me.


10:30 Wake up.

Put on a pair of pants and shirt, walk downstairs and smoke a cigarette on the back patio. Often barefoot. Walk back into the house, and go to the fridge, get a cup of coffee that has been placed by the coffee fairy, and walk back upstairs to my office.

Take sip of coffee, and use the restroom. Login to computer, check email, which there is never any real messages from anyone in my inbox. The usual rubbish, junk mail. Look at the New York Times website, and read the news headlines. Open the latest earthquake page, and look at that. Look at the Yahoo page, the headlines, the horoscope, and the inbox.

Look at my blog, and look to see if there is any traffic today? Not much, nearly zero. Open Instagram, try not to read the poetry until I drink more coffee. Walk down stairs, smoke another cigarette. Come back up stairs, have a sip of coffee. Change the music on Apple Music, and open my journal.

Write in my journal how miserable I am being like this. How the isolation does me harm, how the pain won’t go away, and how no one seems to give a damn. Of note, is that I have kept my journals everyday for almost ten years, every single day there was access to my computer, I have written in my journals.

Go make my bed up. Put on a pair of pants, pick socks from the closet, and turn the light off. Take meds, put socks and shoes on. Go smoke another cigarette. Getting back upstairs, look at Instagram again, take sip of coffee.

Read something from Medium, and maybe Brain Pickings. Time passes, and coffee is almost gone. Put cologne on, get keys, close door, and go downstairs to get Mums to go for second cup. Drive the speed limit, which is 25 miles an hour, to Starbucks, wait in line, and get more coffee. Return home, smoke cigarette, go back up stairs, open web browser to look at the news, and the earthquake page. Look at Instagram again.

Get something to eat, either a granola bar, or yogurt. Smoke a cigarette. Drink coffee.

A lot of laying on the sofa, looking at Instagram. Nothing to do but listen to music, and think silently to myself.

Eat supper, alone at my desk. Smoke cigarette. Up and down the stairs twenty-seven times a day, going to smoke a cigarette, and coming back upstairs. Sitting at my desk, or laying on the sofa in the loft at the top of the stairs. Much time, has been spent on the sofa.

Write in journal about my day. About the isolation of the day, and how nothing ever changes. Spend hours on the sofa, listening to music, and going to the desk to write something down.


Go to smoke the days last cigarette, take my shoes and socks off, lock the computer, and close the door to the office. Go to bed with the light on, lay in bed for two hours trying to go to sleep, sometimes, I fall asleep. Wake up, take meds, and seriously go to sleep.

Rinse and repeat; day in and day out. For Five years.

Of note, there is no one that comes to see me. No one really calls me. No one writes. I have no companions. People don’t read what I write, my Instagram account gets three likes. And Facebook sucks.

It is very peaceful. They say appreciate what you have. What I don’t have, is a job, a girlfriend, or any friends. What I don’t have is the ability to have my teeth fixed when they are broken off at the gum lines, and rotting in my skull. What I don’t have is the ability to change my life. What I don’t have is a quality of life, that makes living worth living. If I were to exit existence, no one in this world will ever miss me. They could not give a shit. No one cares.

Wonder how you would enjoy the quality of life I have? If this were all you could do, and you could not change anything about your life, or the way things are going, would you enjoy it much? How many months or years could you do this, before you loose your mind? Try sitting alone, thinking to yourself for a few hours each day. See how much thinking to yourself is enough?


At this point, I want to make this a blog post. Yet, I will continue to write, as though it were going to be a book. I have dreams, and goals. I want to do a lot more with my life, then aspire to drink coffee, and smoke cigarettes. I had dreams, of doing something great, that changes the world for the better.

The truth is: they don’t want people to change the world. They want everyone to be content with mediocre existence. They don’t want anyone that makes life better, that isn’t for people like me to do, they don’t like it when I talk about making the world a better place. They say, my ideas are grandiose.

I aspired to have ideas, that would blow your mind. I wanted friends that like ideas, and talked about things that matter.

I has aspirations to work again, someday. I had dreams of taking photographs, and having photoshoots, and people to work with. I aspired to make short films, and make music for the videos. I dream of writing a book. I dream of going rock climbing again, or riding a bicycle again. I dreamed of making art, and photography with my creative skills.

I’ve become talented in web design, and can code my own website. It is all treated as worthless; as though, I am of no account. Maybe, its because I am poor, and friendless?

I aspired to have some money, and die broke. I dreamed of having a better life. Where I could have my teeth fixed if I need them to be repaired. I dreamed of being able to afford coffee, and cigarettes, and it not take every last dime I have to exist on.

I dreamed of eating one good meal, everyday of the week. I dreamed of having the money to afford a vacation, and going somewhere once in a while. I’ve not traveled past the road to get coffee, in months. And I’ve not driven faster than 25 miles an hour for months on end.

I had dreams of riding a motorcycle. Of doing stuff that people would think was dangerous. I want to jump out of an airplane at high altitude. I want to dance in a music hall again. I want to sing, and play an instrument. I want to do something dangerous for the thrill of it. Just for kicks.

I’m bored, lonely, and tired of the zombie cat shit. But how can I change my life? No one will spend time with me, no one will talk with me. I feel like, I am held in utter contempt by everyone that knows me.

I’ve self published four books, never sold one copy. At this point, no one would buy this text, even if I wrote a whole book about the subject. I have a lot to say about the subject; seems, no one cares. Pity, it could be you and your life we’re talking about. Wonder how you would like it, if you were reduced to living my life? You would loose your mind. I did.

Skill And Talent

I’ve worked for years to develop skill and talent at writing, in photography, web design, art, poetry, some videos, and music. It is all treated as worthless trash. They don’t give a shit about skill, effort, or talent. It is useless and worthless to them. They only care about the fact you live a dull, boring existence in the conditions they want. I call this, Zombie Cat Shit.

They want a warm sack of shit, a human cat. That does nothing more than eat, and shit. Pity. I feel this statement to be true: “The only meaning you will find in life, is if you mean something to someone else.” Through all my skills, effort, and talent, I wanted to mean something to someone else. It seems, I’m worthless and useless. I’ve failed. God rest my soul.

You should be content with what you have; and I can say, “The coffee and cigarettes are the finest.” However, I aspired to mean something to someone else. Appreciate what you have, while you got it. Do something that makes people care, and love you.

Today’s Toxic Culture

There is a lot of bad in today’s world. The culture we have today, is toxic. And a there are a lot of fake people in this world, that have their heads programmed for them, that should just get a life.

Quality Of Life Matters

We want a better quality of life. It is possible. With what we have today, we could have a better quality of life. It is possible. Without being too grandiose everyone could have a better quality of life. And people that don’t have a better quality of life, would simply be allowed to either exist in exile, or die.

What Is Objectionable

Living like zombie cat shit is not good. I have no real quality of life. This world, feels like a damn prison. I’m without any real friends, and my health is not good. This has been going on, a long time. Feeling like, damn it. A person should be allowed to really live.

Solutions To A Problem

There should be basic decency in today’s world. Human rights matter, and when they are violated, its not good. It doesn’t do well for anyone. Too many hurt people, make it difficult to make life better. We need some kind of solution that makes people be kind again. People have to stop the hate. To stop the hate, we have to stop the ignorance. Most acts of malice are done out of ignorance. So we have to stop the ignorance of people. The psychological warfare going on these days, has to stop!

People have to wise up. Life has to get a lot better for everyone. The stuff I hear, people are hurting, and suffering. I am. No one cared. Pity, it would have been nice to spend some time with others. While I was living. You know?

The way things are, life could be better for everyone with ease, and a lot of the problems, could be solved with using resources correctly. That is the biggest problem of today, the resources are not being made the best use of. Please, wise up. Make better use of the resources that we have. There is enough, for everyone to have enough. We must do better with making good use of our resources.

Please Think!

If people really started thinking, life could be better. The system in place has some good. Life is changing, and we have to be able to change with it. You know? Make life better for everyone. There is time, and resources to make life right. Do what you can to make life better for everyone. Stop the ignorance, stop the greed. Start being better. Damn tired of this world like it is.

D = R * T

Formula For Life

There must be some formula for life, that makes sense. The above formula is for calculation of Distance. The rate your moving, (R) times the time (T) equals the Distance traveled.

Seems, it doesn’t matter what I write, no one gives a damn. Maybe there is another problem; maybe, something I’m aware of and have not been able to deal with yet? It seems dealing with some of these problems is tough. How does one deal with life?

Never Cat

Not to be mean, but there is something that needs said. I don’t ever want to be a cat. Being a dog would be interesting, but please never a cat. That might really bum me out. It would not be very interesting. Not unless there were huge amounts of cat nip involved. But what good would come from that? Not much.

Really after thinking about it a long time, it would not be good to be a cat. Some people may enjoy the job, and be grateful for the time. I would like to spend my time in better pursuits.


After thinking about it a long time, I wonder if my life has any redeemable qualities what so ever? It seems, the very life I have lived, is entirely based upon a lie. This whole life, is because of a lie I told before I was born. Someone said it wasn’t really forgivable. I would like to know what to do about this problem? Is there a solution to make it better? I would like to know!

Seems, this lie I told, wasn’t that bad, but it does seem to have bothered a lot of people. No one to spend time with me. No one to talk with at all. And what is the problem, that no one reads my work?

It feels like my life, and my work, are worthless. I’m not treated like I matter in this world. They act, as though my work is worthless. Despite the time, and effort I’ve spent working on these projects.

It would have been nice, if some of my effort would see results while I’m still living. Doesn’t seem, any of it has been even noticed. Pity! It would be nice to make life better for everyone. But how?

I would like to set right the wrongs. It does seem to be somewhat impossible. But all things are possible, just not everything is probable. This is one of those things, that could be possible, given the right conditions. It would be good to make it right with the people that matter.

Be A Good Doggie

Good doggies are good doggies. Never really met a dog that there wasn’t something good about them. After thinking about it, I’ve seen that almost any dog will repent. However, in all my days, we have never seen a cat repent. That would be something. Not sure I like the cats much. A good doggie is a good doggie. They will at least repent from their sins.

Seems this lie that was told, wound up putting me in the body of a cat. But, I assure you; I repent. Not sure how to make it right at this point, but if something can be done about it; we will do what is possible to make it right. Might have to die, to make it right; but at least things will be better.

No one to talk with about this stuff. They don’t listen, they don’t think, and they don’t want to talk about anything with me. Something has to change, and right quick. Need some good advice, because my options are not looking real good at this point.

Seems, there isn’t a friend in the world. Pity, they would have done well to know me. Then at least, they could say they knew me, once upon a time, before the truth came to light. Maybe, they remember me well from those times? Someone should!

Miscellaneous Musings

Love Matters

In times like these, love matters a whole lot. Tough times we are living in. People are unhappy, and hurting. Love matters a whole lot. You have to be kind in thought and deed. Never wish others harm, nor yourself.

It helps if you can show love, by doing something nice for others, or being there for them. Sometimes, people just need someone to listen to them. It would help an awful lot if you actually heard what they say and understood it.

Kindness is not over rated. Because if kindness becomes a luxury good, who could afford to continue to live in this world? Seems, people have forgotten, how to be really kind. That is a lesson they are going to have to re-learn from the ground up.

Be kind, doing good things for others. It isn’t wasted effort, nor is the act worthless. It has some value; as the sun continues to shine, do what you can for others.


It seems they continue to punish me, using isolation as a weapon to hurt me, to force my hand into doing what they want. No one will talk with me, or spend time with me. No one answers my calls, and the internet seems completely worthless trash. No one writes me, no one reads what I write. I feel useless, and worthless. It seems my services here are not wanted, nor needed.

The isolation seems to be punishment from God, because everyone is ghosting me. They don’t answer email, they don’t talk with me. They don’t answer my questions, or spend time with me. Why do they want to hurt me this way? I’m not really doing anything that they could hate me for? Am I? Seems, there is no way to explain it, you would have to live my life to understand it!

The problem is, I’m bored. No projects I have worked on have seen success. Nothing is working out, seems my life is junk. I’m treated like there is no value in me. You know, when people like you, they tend to see the best in you. When they don’t like you; they see the worst. Tired of the fact, the good qualities I do have are being treated like its rubbish. No one to talk with about anything. Pity; if they knew me, this life would be different.


The world, it seems is starving to death. People have forgotten how to be kind, what is involved in doing what is best. They don’t even listen anymore. They have ears; yet, they fail to hear. Something is wrong with the way things are. I’m not sure how to reach their hearts and minds at this point. I’ve about given up on the human race, because they act as through they are deaf and blind. The world, is going to get awful hungry for something to eat. We wanted a lot better than this.

Kindness should never be a luxury good. Pray, that the world will change in time; before it’s too late. The world needs people that care, and that will listen to each other. Please start thinking, and listening to each other. Life has to get better.

One Day At A Time: Choose Wisely

Choices To Make

Some people are saying: “One day at a time.” In an effort to bring some things to the light, I have my two cents to input on the matter. It seems, there are ways to live, some are better than others.

Moving Mountains

When moving mountains, it starts with moving small pebbles, very likely one day at a time. By carrying away small stones, a mountain can be moved over many years. It doesn’t make the process any easier, but it can be done.

Likewise today, if you want to move a mountain, you need to start small, and work on a daily basis at moving small pieces. Then, over time; you can have made a real impact.

Destruction Of Your Life

There is another way one day at a time can be used. They can wear you down, break your spirit, and destroy you; all one day at a time. While, you may not like that, they may enjoy it a lot.

So really you have to choose wisely, what kind of days you want to have. Because if everyone is taking things, “One day at a time.” then they are either working to move mountains, or destroy you. Sometimes, you have to be aware of what the motives are behind their actions.

Choose Wisely

Don’t know about you; But, I want my life better. Seems, this one day at a time, has all been working against me. They are using it to destroy me. No one is building me up, but they are all holding me in utter contempt; as though, I’m not worth shit to them.

So what course of action can I choose? Seems, they want a warm sack of shit and nothing more. They hate smoking, they hate drinking Sprite, they hate tattoos. They don’t want you to think for yourself, they hate the very idea of free will; unless you choose what they want for you. That is the only condition they have for letting you have free will, is if you choose what they want from you.

Nothing else will be successful. And you wonder why nothing works out. The game is rigged. They have it setup so no one will be successful. They would never like that anyways. They only love you if you choose what they want you to choose. It is all based upon the conditions they have set, long ago.

The Truth

Work to move mountains, despite the fact they are working one day at a time to destroy you. That is one option. There seems to be no real answer to my questions, I’ve never seen the mountain that needs moved. Or for that matter, if it even needs to be moved. Maybe, we should just make a path up the mountain? That would be best, because if you are working to move a mountain, you are likely wasting your time, and expending a lot of effort on something fruitless. However, if you are making life better for everyone, that is the only thing that is worth a damn. Do what is best for everyone.

Don’t let them destroy you, for something stupid. You have to be smarter than that. Have some patience young Jedi, be wise, buy out the right time, for doing what is best. Take care of yourself, and those around you. To some degree, you have to be wise. Learn from my mistakes. You know?

Various Musings

The World Is A Prison

Seems to me, this world is a damn prison. No friends, no job, no girlfriend. No one to talk with. Bored out of my mind, and if you knew the cost of cigarettes, you would be shocked to the core.

This cage, the way things are. I’m dealing with it, best I can. I have Bach, and the fifth. There is some comfort to be had, if you like cigarettes, and coffee. There is music here, but it really lacks of intellectual conversations.

I’m bored with the way things are. Not able to change my life for the better. Every project I’ve taken on, has failed. I’ve not seen one success in anything I’ve done in five years. Maybe, much longer than that.

The Matrix & Control

The matrix is about control. They use illness to manipulate and control people to do or not do what they want. It’s about power, and control. Pure and simple. They want to take your freedom away from you. They don’t believe in free will. They will choose for you. And most people lack the ability to choose for themselves.

The control, is such that people would never be able to rebel. Not in any meaningful way that would have any effect. They would take you out. Resistance is futile. They hate sprite, they hate cigarettes. They hate tattoos. They don’t believe in letting you live. Think you have free will? Think again. It is only the illusion of free will. The choices have already been made for you.

Fake People

The world today seems chock full of fake people. They talk about fake shit, and make fake friends, and talk about movies with fake people in them. They don’t like real stuff. Pity!!

It seems, these fake people are getting more and more like zombies these days. They don’t think, they don’t listen, they don’t understand much you say. They have their own opinions, and they will be the first to shut you down, if you disagree with them. More control from the matrix. They have programs that are here to make you think like they want you to think.

These fake people, are about control, and manipulation. They will control the conversation, and manipulate you into thinking like them. That is what they want. Friends it seems are a burden.

Wanted life to be better. Feeling like, damn it. Tired of the cage, the matrix, and fake people. Something has to change. Maybe, the world will end, and we will all get what we want?

Shell Shock

Seems, the world is screwed. What goes today? How are you living? Do you have a creative life? Are you happy like the way this is? What do you think about on a regular basis? Are you in a loop? Maybe, this blog post will break your bad voodoo, and make you feel better?

Categorized as aquarium

Dead End

This, is not my last post. It is however a point, that has seen the dead end finally reached. The world sucks, people don’t care any longer, and no one wants to be friends.

The world is running out of supplies, toilet paper is low, people have less patience, and more hostilities than you can shake a stick at. People don’t communicate any longer, they talk “To” each other like everyone is a damn idiot.

Dead End

Personally, I say good riddance. This world has been on a burner for so long, the kettle boiled dry, and burned a hole in the bottom of it. Seems, someone is going to have to mend the pan, or find some new way to repurpose the world into something more useful.

I’m not sure there will be much use for the way things are. Seems, no one listens, no one thinks, and most people are too unhappy to care. It is going to boil down to food, clothing, and shelter. Maybe you will have an education in life.

The problems of this world, it is sordid. Who wants to put up with this miserable existence like it is? People don’t listen to each other anymore. Everyone is tired of the talk. We need some actions that speak louder than words.


The first world problems have left an intellectual problem of having to talk about nothing, as though it were really something. People don’t like it when you talk about things that matter. Everything depends on what their opinion is, and if they disagree with you, they are done on every level.

People used to have some backbone. People used to be stronger. The world has bred weakness, and impurity into people’s lives. Seems, you can no longer trust anyone these days. Every fiber that once mattered has been torn asunder.

This seems to be the end. One can hope, that the kettle that boiled dry, and burned a hole in the bottom of it; will be made good use of, maybe for something other than fodder for bullets.

People have to start to care again. Too many people, like to have their ears tickled. They want to hear exactly something that is less real, less true. That seems to make them happy. Maybe, they are fake people? Real people, like to hear the truth!

Some Hole

What we face, is more of an existential existence crisis than ever before. People are fake, they talk about fake stuff, and have the nerve to be upset if you want to talk about anything more important.

They don’t listen, they don’t read. They don’t think. It is like a program that is running in the matrix, and people don’t have the good sense to turn it off. Pity!

The matrix is about control. And they are willing to control you, right down to having your mind programmed for you. Maybe, you having free will was too much to hope for, because they want to take that away from you too!

Sometimes, we have to think. And live. I’m tired of the world like it is. I’m not afraid of the change that needs to be made, what I’m really afraid of, is that things will stay the same. That will never do under these conditions. Wanted my life to be better. Sometimes, change is good. The world, it seems has reached a dead end. Like some col-de-sack that people keep going around and around on. I have to wonder, if people ever get tired of the ride?

Find A Safe Place To Land

My advice: Keep your life simple. Find a nice safe place to land, and keep yourself put in place for a while. Endure what you must, take the enjoyment you can find from being alive, and try to make the world a better place through being kind, and respectful of others.

Find a safe place to land, and make the best of it. Do what you can to help others through the muck, and be a helping hand to those you can help along the way. Do what you can, to make life cool for someone else.


The world has not done well for itself. There is a lot of failure in this world, and many have lost the vision of having something better. It helps if you can think past the TV, and the latest trend. Have some common sense, and start to see things for what they are. Find out what has real value, and then make use of it. Find a safe place to land, and help those you can along the way find shelter.

Does Solitary Confinement Mean The End? A Creative Outlook!

What does living look like for you? One can hope, you have enough food to eat, and have clothing on your back. With a roof over your head, and clean water to drink?

How many people are existing in isolation these days? Google says, 36% of Americans feel the effects of isolation and loneliness. That is no real surprise, with the pandemic, and current state of affairs; much has changed in the world.

Solitude vs. Isolation

If you find yourself in a good situation being alone, and have chosen to seek your own company for a period of time, this is called solitude. It can be very comforting, and even relaxing.

However, there is another type of being alone, it is called isolation. This would be situations that are not of your own free choice. Sometimes, in isolation; you can find some solitude. It however doesn’t feel the same when there is no relief.

How one can make the best of it, is by making good use of your time. This is important, make your alone time better by making very good use of your time. If you spend your time alone watching tv, or playing video games, are you really making good use of your time?

A Box Of Solitude

Solitude can be wonderful. There is some good that comes from it. When you have the choice to be alone, and can make good use of your time; it can be very enjoyable.

The view you set before you determines how enjoyable solitude is. A vast valley set before you can mean great freedom, and much enjoyment. However, sitting in an office with no windows doesn’t offer the same freedom.

Make a habit of having a clear view of the moon, and spend time outside.


If you sit indoors much of the day, only having four walls of horror doesn’t really make long term solitude very enjoyable. There would not be much difference between that, and a prison cell. You have to change your views to something more enjoyable. Get outdoors.

Solitude can be very rewarding. When used correctly. The point here to take into consideration, is using it properly. If you use your time to make yourself better, to build yourself up, and make life better for yourself, those are win win type situations.

Much can be learned. You can teach yourself new things. If you make good use of your time, you can read, and learn to paint. Much can come from it. Its only limited by what you can imagine doing with your time. Possibilities are endless.

An Isolated Toad

If you are isolated, you may turn into a toad. Well, not literally, but so to speak. If you use the time you are alone, to tear yourself down, and make life woe, doom, and gloom; it’s not going to get better.

You have to turn the situations around, make good use of your time. The better use of your time you can make, the better off you will be. Develop new skills, and learn all that you can.

Don’t use the time, to tear yourself down. That is not healthy. There needs to be a better way to use your time. Seriously, unfuck yourself. The time is now. Don’t wait. Friend, see to it.

A Mixed Bag

Sometimes, we have a mixed bag of solitude, and isolation. In some situations, it may be healthy to seek new friends. A man should have some friends in his life. It is not good to be so alone, that no one in this world knows you. You should have a circle of people, that know you. It is just not healthy to be so alone, and exist like a ghost in this world. That is not a wise course of action. Choose your friends wisely, and keep some at hand.


Make good habits. Excellence is by choice. Choose to make the best use of your time, regardless if you are seeking solitude, or isolated. The better use of your time you can make, the better the quality of life you will have. Who knows what you will discover? You may learn something new, that changes the world!

When isolation feels like punishment, and you’re not able to change it; there is a problem. Seek the advice of others to help you.

Questions For You!!

I want to ask a few questions of you. I hope, you will answer them.

1. How are you living?

How are you living these days? Do you get enough outdoor time? Are you physically active to an extent that your physical needs are being met?

2. Do you exercise your creative muscles?

Are you being creative? Do you live a creative life? Are you doing anything that helps you? Is it respected?

3. How are your relationships?

Do you have healthy relationships? When you talk, do people hear you and listen to you and what you are trying to communicate? What kinds of things do you talk about with others? Are you respected?

4. Do you find the 21st century interesting?

A lot of people, think this is the end all be all to life. Do you want more than this? What don’t you have currently that you would like to have that doesn’t currently exist?

5. Does anything I have asked make sense to you?

I wonder if you can answer these questions?

Something to think about:

When was the last time, you spent an hour thinking everyday for months on end in meditation? What do you think about yourself, your life, and the people around you? Can you get out of your own head? How?

Something I want. . .

Life has been kicking my dog. There is something I want, and it needs to be solved. There are some people from my life, that I want to hear from. People from this life, that knew me. I want to see if anyone will call me up, and talk with me.

I’m bored, and lonely. I wonder if anyone that knew me will ever call me up for a conversation? Who would I hear from, if anyone? Seems, I’ve been forgotten in whole. Not any friends really on facebook. No one writes, everyday my inbox is empty.

That instagram account looks like a ghost town. It is embarrassing because no one likes my photos, and I have to archive them because of it. Seems, there is not a friend in this world. Not one.

So prove my wrong, if you knew me from this life, call me up. Send me a text message. I would like to hear from you. I could use someone to talk with that will talk, “With” me. You may not have answers to my questions, but it would be nice to hear from you.

Not much going on in my life. Living like damn zombie cat shit. But tell me what you have been doing, and how you are living. I want to know about it. Maybe you have had a life, and lived well?

Maybe the times have not all been bad for you? Maybe there is some good that will come from it, in the broken mathematics of some estimated prize. Seems it’s all for naught. Somehow, life has to get a lot better. I wonder if anyone would like to hear from me? Seems, I’m alone in this world. Not a friend to my name.

Maybe, life will change. Things are moving. Times are changing. I wonder if I would hear from anyone that knew me? Anyone?

Likely this is a waste of effort. No one will call, and I will be left sitting by the phone for years on end, with no results. None of my other projects have had results. This one is no different.

Wish that they cared. No one does. Pity. Some living is in order. This world seems like a damn cage. I would like to make the world worth living in. For that to happen, the cage has to be torn down. Someone should have listened to me by now.

Is anyone here? Doesn’t seem like it. My life is barren. It is a cage. No choice to make, doesn’t seem to be any free will. Send me an email, I want to hear from you.


5 Things To Be Excited About The Future Of The 21st Century

More Than Hype

The Future: Some Hope!!

What does the future hold for our lives? Seems, people today have fallen into some pit of despair, everyone is looking for a safe place to land these days.

There is some excitement that can be had about living in the 21st century. If you learn to think about it, there is much that could be made better. Here are some ideas people should work on.

Perhaps through new discoveries, new ways of thinking, and new ways of learning; we can make a difference in everyone’s lives. The best it seems, would be yet to come. Much remains to be learned, and discovered.

If we start working together, and building something right from the start, then we will have better results with our efforts! It is up to each of us to learn new ways of living, and existing.

Much can be made better, here are some ideas that will help inspire you to reach for new heights.


The transportation we have today could really use some work. Maybe, we will find something better than flying cars to keep us moving in life. What will come, no one knows.

We need discoveries in transportation that really change the world. Something with some zip to it. We need better ways to get places, and sometimes we just want to have something to do to relax. Transportation should be safe, fun, easy, and efficient.

Living With Better Quality

We could all be living better, eating better, and have more time to really live. How many people are living like zombie cat shit? We need to reach new levels of living right, in ways that are productive, helpful, useful, and with little waste. A lot could be said for doing things right from the start. This will require change on our part, so be gentile with the transitions. It is already happening, learn to adapt.


Maybe, our entertainment values will change. We could hope that they start feeding us something with value. Maybe something more intelligent, with a bit of love and compassion?

Sometimes, I look at the entertainment, and wonder who was writing this stuff? A movie should be solid, bullet proof, and no holes in the script. Maybe, movies should be longer?

Proper Balance

Maybe, in the future of the 21st century we will achieve better balance in our lives. With correct balance, we could live better, think better, and behave better. Everyone could have enough, and we wouldn’t need to be such assholes to each other.

People Might Start To Be Kind

Maybe, people will start to be kind again. Maybe people will be better to each other? We can hope that this cruelty people are living with will stop happening like it has been. Make the world a better place for everyone, start today.


Excellence is only made from having good habits. If you practice mediocrity on a regular basis, your chances for success are reduced. To really make a better future, you want to practice excellence as a habit, in all that you do, without fail.

Make life better for everyone.

Am I A Real Person?

Am I A Real Person?

It is October, sitting in my office with the window open; I ponder my existence. The room I’m in was a bedroom, there is however no bed in this room. It has a desk, two desks actually, and three computers. There are photographs on the walls, and cigarettes in the closet.

The photograph that makes the most sense to me, is of a park bench from the wildlife reserve near the lake. It is empty with no one sitting on it; I titled the photograph: “A lonely spot.”

Because I feel alone in this world. It is a very pretty photograph, and because I felt some kinship with it, I had a big one made of it. I think, it’s a 20×24, and it has some very nice tones to it. It feels old, yet familiar.

There are other photographs on the walls, to my right is a photograph that I took some 25 years ago. It is titled: “Vanish”, and to be honest, that is what I would like to do at this point in my life. I’m tired of this lonely spot in my life, and really there is no satisfaction from my life.

There is a beach photo, taken some years ago. And a yellow rose, which was a symbol of an offer of friendship. And some other flowers on the wall.

Am I a real person? If someone walked into my room, and looked at my belongings, and the way they are arranged; would they believe that I am a real person? Would they think, “He is a fake?”

People know very little about me. There are no friends, no job, no girlfriend. Those things seem foreign to me. There were two girlfriends, but neither of them worked out. There was once friends, or people that there was reason to believe they were friends. They have however all “Vanished.”

You see, I have a mortal family; and some people would believe that having a mortal family would be proof of my existence as a real person. However, my mortal family doesn’t treat me like I am a real person. They talk “To” me like I am some kind of idiot they are burdened with. They don’t know how to talk “With” me, like I’m an actual person. But, maybe that is my fault; maybe, I’m the one that isn’t a real person? What is truth?

I question my existence. There have been many memories of life, of past lives, and my existence that I know about many things in life outside my own experience. It does seem strange to me, no one seems to care what I think, or know.

The disregard for my thoughts, and feelings have made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. My mortal family doesn’t have any compassion for me with regards to anything I may have to offer or bring to the table.

Am I a real person? Do I have value, or any substance? My family treats me like I’m empty and devoid of any value. I’m not able to make friends, or get anyone to care about me. There is no one I can turn to for help, or advice.

Am I a real person? Maybe, the only person it matters to is me? However, this is the rub; If others here were real people, they would have cared about me, right? What is real, and what is fake?

It matters to me, and it might matter to you, but what do you care, if at all? Real people would give a damn. Are you real? Can you prove it? I was born into this world, I have a mortal family; yet, I question if I am a real person. I’m not treated like a real person. Are you?

Do you have honor, and respect? Do you have friends, and a job? How do you know, that you are not a robot? Ah, you say you are flesh and blood. I’ve bled. No one gives a shit.

Please join me in this journey, the next chapter may be of interest to you.


Am I a real person? Well, are you? What I want to know is if you can think? Can you teach yourself something new, that you don’t already know? Do you have the ability to learn? Some people lack the ability to teach themselves new things.

Sometimes, I wonder if people here are not pumpkin heads. They have minds, and seem like real people; yet, they are as though they are deaf and blind. They have ears, yet they fail to listen, and they have eyes, but they fail to understand.

I wonder if these people have had their heads programmed for them? They are very intent of having their way, to the point; they are willing to disrespect anyone that tries to tell them otherwise. To what extent they are willing to disrespect others, I don’t know? Would they kill to have their way?

When I bring up the issues of the disrespect they are showing me, they get angry at me for being mad about their disrespect. They have drugged me against my will, and force me to behave like a warm sack of shit. That is the acceptable behavior they want.

Is it right? Am I a real person? How are you living? Are you living like a warm sack of shit? Are you more than that? Do you expect everyone around you to be like a damn robot? Can you show signs of being more than an emotional sack of shit? Can you think for yourself?

I have reason to believe, these pumpkins have had their heads programmed, and that is why they get so bent out of shape when anyone behaves different than what they expect. They don’t like questions, especially if they have to answer honestly. Sometimes, I have reason to believe they will only answer a yes, or no question with truth.

Am I a real person? What is real? I can think, and even think for myself; but does that prove that I’m a real person? If I am a real person, why the mistreatment? They seem to have no remorse about the way they treat me. What is truth?

I have to wonder, if anyone in this world is a real person. I wonder if they are anything more than living clay. They can think to some degree, but they could not think of an original idea if they wanted to. Moreover, they fail to have any compassion, or empathy for others beyond idiot levels.

Am I a real person? Are you? Do you have value and worth in this world? I Have said, “The only meaning you will find in life, is if you mean something to someone else.” It does not seem like I have any real value to anyone in this world. They don’t love me, they don’t listen to what I have to say. It may be a problem with western culture? What do you think?

Fake People Suck

The truth is, fake people suck. Who here is real? Who are the fakes in this world? Let’s find them. We don’t want no fakes in this world. Tired of the isolation, and the mistreatment.

Are you more than a robot? Can you prove it? What is natural and what is unnatural in this world? That which is unnatural should be done away with. I’m tired of being forced to live like a warm sack of shit, and being drugged to live an unnatural lifestyle. What I’m trying to express is that I’m being forced to behave in such a way, I’m not allowed to be myself. No one here knows me, they don’t understand me, and it seems, they don’t give a shit.

Who here is real? Can you prove it? How are you living? Are you more than a warm sack of shit? Maybe, some real people like living like warm sacks of shit? Maybe for society to function we need robots to behave like they do? But if that is true, why have real people? Well, someone has to live?

Fake people suck. They expect everyone to live like damn robots, and they enjoy a living death, damn zombie cat shit. How are you living? Are you creative, do you have a passion, or has it been clubbed into dank submission? We should talk. This world sucks. We want life to be better for everyone, even me. People have to wake up, and right quick. Because the problems in today’s world are sick. It seems, no one cares, or will ever care. And that is just not right!!


The world, it seems is full of idiots. They fail to understand, or use reason correctly. We want the world to be a better place, and someone has to bring these matters to the light.

Fake people suck, and people that have their heads programmed for them, may have some issues dealing with people that have their heads programmed differently. What makes an idiot? People that can reason would be better than idiots, but is everyone that has their head programmed an idiot? Maybe, some of them are. We need to figure out how to make this better.

Life And The Ghost

Life is a snark hunt. Wish you well with your pursuits. Really we do. It seems what ever you choose to pursue will only have limited value. That is not to say it won’t have some value to you, however what today has any real value?

Seems everyone wants to be famous, or have the big house, and car. But look at the people who have had those things, and maybe learn from their experience. Some things have different outcomes, sometimes life makes it own plans. How it goes for each of us depends upon us.

But what about staying low? Or at least staying in the middle space, and not sinking too far below reasonable? It is good to have enough. Maybe, it is only when things are in excess that the problems start.

Something I was thinking about today:

Machinery Of The Mind

You can train your mind to be a robot. But why would you?

Written by: Ctopher Thomas, A Real Misfit

Why Exist?

Sometimes, thoughts have some value. They can help guide us, help us align with life, the universe, and everything. Sometimes they hurt us, and those are to be avoided. When you get in the habit of thinking, you will have a wide variety of thoughts. And sometimes, you will think thoughts you don’t like much.

It has taken a long time to reach this point in my life. Much longer than it should have taken. The world is not a right place. Here are some of thoughts I’ve been considering.

Not Getting Married

At this point in my life, I’ve lost any desire for a wife of human nature. My thoughts are to remain single, and not have any children in this life. In the event that I should live much longer than expected, this may change. However, when considering this mortal life I have been living, my expectations are that this will not continue much longer. My next life will be different; however, in this life until my mortal death I’m not interested in being with a human.

I think the idea of having a wife, or a girlfriend was something that was expected of me, being in this world. However, it has not worked out, and frankly I’m tired of the pressure, the rejection, and the pain. Wanted a lot better for my life.

Need For A New World

This world, was built by design. However, humans building has not been carefully designed. It does not feel like it has been built by an architect. The poor design has led to a lot of suffering and pain in this world; which could have been avoided.

We need a new design that works better. The streets here are not done right. Please think better.


Recently I read the book: “The Golden Eternity” by Jack Kerouac. The book said in the intro that he died suddenly at the age of 47. Thinking about it, maybe my day will come. Tired of the pain, the isolation, and the way things are. None of my problems have been fixed, or addressed. There is some beauty here, and a lot of it is really something. If you look to see the perfection in the imperfection, then the whole thing looks a lot better than it feels.


I’m not sure if it is something wrong with me, or the medications they have me on. The problem is there are no emotions of love or hate in my soul. I feel no deep emotions of any kind other than when I feel angry about something that I’m not able to let go of.

I’m working on feeling some love for myself; however, there is no real feeling of love in me. I’m likely very numb inside, I’ve shut down, and been isolated for so long the feelings of love have vanished.

It isn’t healthy to be totally numb to emotions. There is some compassion in me, but feelings of love or hate are not present. I would like to feel some bliss about this, but what is possible?

It’s important to have unconditional love for all living beings; yet, I’m not feeling it. People are being divided, and separated into groups, and that is necessary to fix other problems. Someday it will get better.

What We Want

We want life better for everyone. We want peace, and to end the suffering, and pain of those in this world. If things were designed right, much could be avoided. And problems would be fewer. Life has to get a lot better for everyone.

Bad Medicine

Should a person be content to just exist? If you want nothing more than a warm sack of shit, then you will be left with warm sacks of shit. However, that is disrespectful to God, to neglect the gifts you have been given, and to do nothing with your life. Pity, we want life better than that. Life should be an adventure. You should get some real benefit from it. It should benefit everyone. Too often people are living like zombie shit. And frankly we are tired of this.

Better Medicine

To uphold a persons dignity, while allowing them to have some pride. To be kind to those without having to think about it. To be honest, and have compassion for all living beings.

How Isolation Builds Character And How To Make The Best Of It

Your results may very. It all depends on what you do with the time you have. If you use your time wisely, and put only good stuff into your mind, you could make it a win win type situation.

I’m not perfect, and I may need some more time in isolation, there are some things that need worked out. However, I’ve changed my mindset about how I feel about the isolation I’m going through.

I was looking at it as though it was the end of the world. It hurt a lot, and I was not happy with the way things were. Really the isolation was there to build my character. Yes, you read that right. The isolation is there to build your character up.

What results you get from it, will vary depending upon what you put into your mind. What you tell yourself, how you think, what actions you take.

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

Lao Tzu

Look at your time of being isolated, as a time to build your character. And watch your thoughts. Watch your actions. Build a nice life for yourself and those around you, because life has to get a lot better for everyone.

We as a people, have to improve these situations. What has happened to me, should not happen to others. It is simply too awful to let happen to others.

Maybe, I need some more time in isolation to fix myself with this new understanding? Maybe so, maybe the problems can be fixed with the right medicine.

  • Learn a new language, do better than try.
  • Read good books
  • Make art, music, poetry, write a book
  • Build a positive character that people will like.
  • Listen to good music
  • Avoid stuff that puts junk into your mind
  • Don’t prolong your isolation longer than needed!

Be careful what you think, read, watch, and who you spend time with.

Really, you have to make good use of your time. Use isolation as a tool to build your character. Don’t expect anyone to do it for you, I’ve found dangerous situations from the prolonged isolation that have nearly destroyed me, and my character. Don’t use it as a tool to tear yourself down.

And if you find yourself tearing yourself down, STOP IT. Stop it now. Do better. Use your time wisely. We have to make this better for others, they should never find themselves in the situation I’m in.

Written By: Ctopher A Real Misfit

Photo Credit: Photo by Lukas Denier on Unsplash

Clean Energy – The Future

If we are going to make this planet work, we are going to have to change our ways. Stop destroying the world, start moving right quick towards clean energy. This is vital to our survival. It maybe already too late. Stop putting profits ahead of everything, and start doing what is really best for everyone.

We have to make the world a better place, and we have to start doing a better job with the way things are. Too many problems, too many people being hurt.

You can not change the source code from the system from the inside. The results you will get from changing the source code from the inside will only result in disaster.

Stop GMO modifications. This can not continue. Much harm has already been done. It has to stop somewhere. Life has to get better for everyone. The food should never be tampered with.

We have to start doing better. Life has to get a lot better for everyone. We have to stop living like we are, and start taking care of the planet. This simulation understands when its taken care of. It is listening, and watching us. It responds to our energies. We want to make life better for everyone.

Stop being jerks. We have to start to change the way things are. Please wake up. These pumpkins are brainwashed, and their heads are full of seeds.

Photo Credit: Photo by Appolinary Kalashnikova on Unsplash

Written by CTOPHER, A Real Misfit

Categorized as aquarium

Deeper Connections

There is need to be more whole. There is need to heal. We need some good medicine. The way things have been, there seems to be no end to the misery, but to really be healthy is really important.

Seems they don’t teach the kind of connections one needs. They teach you what to think, much better than how to think. And the cost is high. Seems people don’t understand the landscape, nor the rocks upon the shore.

Some thoughts I have about my life. I was involved in things that seemed like they would matter. However, it seems it was always from the perspective of being a bump on a log, and not more than that.

The problem comes from not being involved. People don’t really communicate these days. And most people, don’t know my mind. Wanted life to have meaning, and value. Being more than a number in a bucket, or another damn lost soul. And they don’t want people that amount to more than that, do they? There is need to be a real person in this world.

Many in life, have mistaken me for a fake. And some people never really took the time to get to know the real me. They didn’t find out, and what they saw, is not all there is. But it was what I had been willing to reveal about myself. They didn’t take the time to really look for more, and they gave up while there was still a deep well to explore.

Pity that life is like it is. Life needs to change for everyone. The way things are, there is a real lack of care being given. People have forgotten the way things should have been. People have become careless, and with a real lack of purpose. True, deep purpose does not come from just existing, but really putting some thought into life.

They don’t really give or teach people the skills they need. They teach people to experience nature as nothing more than a whim, with no real connection with the deeper life behind it. People don’t really have the thought, to make better connections with the life we could have.

Seems, I should have made a connection with nature a long time ago. More than just a passing by person walking upon the ground; but a real connections with the earth and living life.

I always walked the path, but never really knew more than their beauty. Didn’t take the time to understand them, or listen to their story. They all have stories to tell. If you listen.

If you knew them. But do you have a connection with more than your phone? It seems life has to change, and right quick. We need to understand the meaning of real purpose.

Seems I need to learn from this world, all that can be understood. It means, spending some time in life, looking, and exploring the world around me. Need to have some real connections in my life. Tired of the shallow, boring connections that aren’t working. There needs to be real understanding of myself. How can we make it better?

I think, most people are unhappy. How can we make it better?

Categorized as aquarium

Rough Draft: Cosmology

Some basic ideas for you to think about. I won’t as of yet put it all together for you. I will start some basic dialog of something to think about for a while.

I’ve thought about life, a long time. There is the saying, Any idiot can make things bigger and bigger, but it takes a real genius to be able to make something small.

Thinking about life, the universe, and everything. Really life is best left a mystery. It may be more fun, and has the benefit of being kind in deed and action. Most people, don’t need to understand it. Really, if you can go about your life, and live in a modest, safe way; and do no harm, you will be happy.

There is no need to be jerks. We don’t need it. However, here are some ideas that have inspired me to grow. Life is sometimes about change, and change is difficult for a lot of people. We need to have ways to grow, that are not too painful.

Hence, this thought has taken place. Please verse yourself with this article on Cosmology from Wikipedia. Then give the whole thing, some careful thought. I’m looking for someone, those that understand something that is not obvious.

Of note, one should consider the existence of a multi-verse, and the idea of the existence of parallel universes. I’ve given this some level of thought.

Notes: The technology we have today is good. However, there is need for a little better technology to be able to explain what needs to be built. Only through the use of the future technology can we ever begin to explain what we want. Because trying to say it, or explain it without working examples, would be impossible to do.

Written By Ctopher

Photo Credit: Photo by Brett Ritchie on Unsplash

Sometimes, I’m A Stranger

I’ve been trying to quit smoking, now some two weeks. Its tough going. Just to let you know, I’ve been smoking cigarettes some twenty years. So these are big changes for me. A lot of tough times. Really, I smoked cigarettes until it killed me. I should have known better.

I want to talk about a problem, or rather a subject that makes me wonder. It seems, I’ve been living with this inferiority complex. You see, growing up; I thought that I had to hold myself to being a Tom Cruise. My life had to look as good as all his movies. And, when things didn’t go as planned, it always made me feel like somehow I wasn’t doing good enough, and that I was a failure.

I’ve seen some days, when the life I have have just gone all wrong. I’ve picked myself back up, but its not been great. I’ve always been feeling like, I’m not good enough for my mortal family. Like, I didn’t live up to their expectations of me.

I’ve dealt with some major setbacks in my life. It’s been rough. I won’t go into all the details of my life in this blog post, however you would think, I would have figured this shit out before now. I’m not Tom Cruise. A lot of people are a lot better than me. I wanted to hold myself to being good enough and capable enough to be that good. But, after looking at my life, it seems I’m failing at my life mission. ??

People, don’t care about what I write, they don’t give a damn what I think. They couldn’t care about the solutions I offer. Maybe, my thoughts are just not ready for others to listen? Maybe, someday.

I’ve been alone, and single a long time. Never really got the kind of satisfaction I was looking for. Never really made myself feel like the kind of man I wanted to be. I will stick with some advice I have given in the past; Always pick the hot knife over the hot mess.

Sometimes, I have learn how to keep my shit together. Life has been rough. I’m learning that I am not perfect, and sometimes, I fail. After all, those movies and actors; they get multiple takes, and everything is always scripted perfectly. Life isn’t like that. If you only get one take, and it has to be perfect, I’m going to have to learn to do better. Got to get myself some talent and skill. Good advice.

Not much going on. Movies are cool. The out takes are pretty funny. Maybe my life will have a few. Hope you have some good laughs about it. I’m tired, and ready to quit this show. It’s got to end. Right quick. Damn it.

Written by: Ctopher Thomas, A Real Misfit

Photo Credit: Photo by Brunno Tozzo on Unsplash