Am I A Real Person?
It is October, sitting in my office with the window open; I ponder my existence. The room I’m in was a bedroom, there is however no bed in this room. It has a desk, two desks actually, and three computers. There are photographs on the walls, and cigarettes in the closet.
The photograph that makes the most sense to me, is of a park bench from the wildlife reserve near the lake. It is empty with no one sitting on it; I titled the photograph: “A lonely spot.”
Because I feel alone in this world. It is a very pretty photograph, and because I felt some kinship with it, I had a big one made of it. I think, it’s a 20×24, and it has some very nice tones to it. It feels old, yet familiar.
There are other photographs on the walls, to my right is a photograph that I took some 25 years ago. It is titled: “Vanish”, and to be honest, that is what I would like to do at this point in my life. I’m tired of this lonely spot in my life, and really there is no satisfaction from my life.
There is a beach photo, taken some years ago. And a yellow rose, which was a symbol of an offer of friendship. And some other flowers on the wall.
Am I a real person? If someone walked into my room, and looked at my belongings, and the way they are arranged; would they believe that I am a real person? Would they think, “He is a fake?”
People know very little about me. There are no friends, no job, no girlfriend. Those things seem foreign to me. There were two girlfriends, but neither of them worked out. There was once friends, or people that there was reason to believe they were friends. They have however all “Vanished.”
You see, I have a mortal family; and some people would believe that having a mortal family would be proof of my existence as a real person. However, my mortal family doesn’t treat me like I am a real person. They talk “To” me like I am some kind of idiot they are burdened with. They don’t know how to talk “With” me, like I’m an actual person. But, maybe that is my fault; maybe, I’m the one that isn’t a real person? What is truth?
I question my existence. There have been many memories of life, of past lives, and my existence that I know about many things in life outside my own experience. It does seem strange to me, no one seems to care what I think, or know.
The disregard for my thoughts, and feelings have made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. My mortal family doesn’t have any compassion for me with regards to anything I may have to offer or bring to the table.
Am I a real person? Do I have value, or any substance? My family treats me like I’m empty and devoid of any value. I’m not able to make friends, or get anyone to care about me. There is no one I can turn to for help, or advice.
Am I a real person? Maybe, the only person it matters to is me? However, this is the rub; If others here were real people, they would have cared about me, right? What is real, and what is fake?
It matters to me, and it might matter to you, but what do you care, if at all? Real people would give a damn. Are you real? Can you prove it? I was born into this world, I have a mortal family; yet, I question if I am a real person. I’m not treated like a real person. Are you?
Do you have honor, and respect? Do you have friends, and a job? How do you know, that you are not a robot? Ah, you say you are flesh and blood. I’ve bled. No one gives a shit.
Please join me in this journey, the next chapter may be of interest to you.
Am I a real person? Well, are you? What I want to know is if you can think? Can you teach yourself something new, that you don’t already know? Do you have the ability to learn? Some people lack the ability to teach themselves new things.
Sometimes, I wonder if people here are not pumpkin heads. They have minds, and seem like real people; yet, they are as though they are deaf and blind. They have ears, yet they fail to listen, and they have eyes, but they fail to understand.
I wonder if these people have had their heads programmed for them? They are very intent of having their way, to the point; they are willing to disrespect anyone that tries to tell them otherwise. To what extent they are willing to disrespect others, I don’t know? Would they kill to have their way?
When I bring up the issues of the disrespect they are showing me, they get angry at me for being mad about their disrespect. They have drugged me against my will, and force me to behave like a warm sack of shit. That is the acceptable behavior they want.
Is it right? Am I a real person? How are you living? Are you living like a warm sack of shit? Are you more than that? Do you expect everyone around you to be like a damn robot? Can you show signs of being more than an emotional sack of shit? Can you think for yourself?
I have reason to believe, these pumpkins have had their heads programmed, and that is why they get so bent out of shape when anyone behaves different than what they expect. They don’t like questions, especially if they have to answer honestly. Sometimes, I have reason to believe they will only answer a yes, or no question with truth.
Am I a real person? What is real? I can think, and even think for myself; but does that prove that I’m a real person? If I am a real person, why the mistreatment? They seem to have no remorse about the way they treat me. What is truth?
I have to wonder, if anyone in this world is a real person. I wonder if they are anything more than living clay. They can think to some degree, but they could not think of an original idea if they wanted to. Moreover, they fail to have any compassion, or empathy for others beyond idiot levels.
Am I a real person? Are you? Do you have value and worth in this world? I Have said, “The only meaning you will find in life, is if you mean something to someone else.” It does not seem like I have any real value to anyone in this world. They don’t love me, they don’t listen to what I have to say. It may be a problem with western culture? What do you think?
Fake People Suck
The truth is, fake people suck. Who here is real? Who are the fakes in this world? Let’s find them. We don’t want no fakes in this world. Tired of the isolation, and the mistreatment.
Are you more than a robot? Can you prove it? What is natural and what is unnatural in this world? That which is unnatural should be done away with. I’m tired of being forced to live like a warm sack of shit, and being drugged to live an unnatural lifestyle. What I’m trying to express is that I’m being forced to behave in such a way, I’m not allowed to be myself. No one here knows me, they don’t understand me, and it seems, they don’t give a shit.
Who here is real? Can you prove it? How are you living? Are you more than a warm sack of shit? Maybe, some real people like living like warm sacks of shit? Maybe for society to function we need robots to behave like they do? But if that is true, why have real people? Well, someone has to live?
Fake people suck. They expect everyone to live like damn robots, and they enjoy a living death, damn zombie cat shit. How are you living? Are you creative, do you have a passion, or has it been clubbed into dank submission? We should talk. This world sucks. We want life to be better for everyone, even me. People have to wake up, and right quick. Because the problems in today’s world are sick. It seems, no one cares, or will ever care. And that is just not right!!
The world, it seems is full of idiots. They fail to understand, or use reason correctly. We want the world to be a better place, and someone has to bring these matters to the light.
Fake people suck, and people that have their heads programmed for them, may have some issues dealing with people that have their heads programmed differently. What makes an idiot? People that can reason would be better than idiots, but is everyone that has their head programmed an idiot? Maybe, some of them are. We need to figure out how to make this better.
Ctopher Thomas is talented photographer, skilled programmer, and artful writer. You can follow his work and check out his personal website: misfit.ctopher.me
I have a YouTube Channel. Check it out!