The following instruction are a basic guide on how to operate a cheese danish. While there are many varieties of cheese danish, only the real cheese danish from Denmark will do. The other varieties may have some good qualities, however they fail to produce as much wealth as the kind from Denmark.
First after preparation and purchasing your cheese danish, you have to prepare it. This is best done by offering advice in which banks you wish it to deposit your funds, and what investments you want the cheese danish to make for your profits.
Then there is the matter of making the cheese danish not only complete your transactions but to also make it provide more cheese danish in the future. Your financial future depends entirely upon cheese danish from Denmark.
You should not use a Sharpie to write on your cheese danish, as eating sharpie ink is bad for your health. There is also the issue of proving that you haven’t falsified your cheese danish and you need the receipt for the original purchase of your cheese danish.
There is also the matter of eating your cheese danish. Once the proceeds from your cheese danishes deposits have been processed, you have to prepare the cheese danish for consumption. It’s best if you have a long conversation with the cheese danish about how you really, really appreciate everything it’s done for you; after all it’s made your filthy rich.
However to simply conduct business with the cheese danish and not eat it, will result in fewer cheese danishes in the future. Also not correctly preparing your cheese danish for consumption will also be difficult to obtain future cheese danishes.
The best way, is to be honest, and say, “I’m going to eat you now!” However there are other variations of this phrase that will also suffice for the cheese danish to feel it’s done a good job and to feel proud of itself in it’s last moments.
Make your cheese danish happy. It will make you happy. If nothing else it will make you a lot of money. Please don’t be selfish and hog the cheese danish, as that isn’t kind. So be kind, share your cheese danish purchases with your kin.
Cheese danishes are best accompanied by breathing oxygen, and drinking wine. You can be a son of a bitch and eat your cheese danish with coffee, but don’t count on getting into bed with the cheese danish too. If you plan on getting into bed with the cheese danish, we suggest you buy them in packs of eight. They like company.
UPDATE: Please under no circumstances should you ever freeze a cheese danish. If it’s been on ice, please refrain from eating them…. That’s just not cool. Thanks!!!!