Head On

Head On

As he sang along to the pixies in a tune every punk knows by heart, he lit another cigarette and threw the match out the window. Alex doesn’t believe in using disposable lighters, not today, not likely tomorrow. He was on holiday in the least likely place of places the Florida keys, he was there solo on the motorway as he was about to take a drink of coffee fresh brewed and hot when a big rig going the other way comes into his lane and hits him head on.

The loneliness is what bothers him the most that and he isn’t able to smoke a cigarette in the hospital. He looks at the calendar, he scratches his chin and feels the stubble, two days since he last shaved. It was twelve weeks ago that tragic day he was driving to see the oil slicks in what was once a beautiful place. He thinks it must have been a damn stupid idea now. He hasn’t had one visitor since he checked in, besides having broken ribs, a fractured arm and two broken legs things are fine. At least it was all a clean break.

Waking up

He remembered in a past life that he had been on vacation to the keys most of it was hell, not much different than being here in traction; except he flew home and had a safe trip. He gets a bit of mail from time to time, a get well card from another person who is some three thousand miles away. He checks the calendar again where the circle is through a two day stretch, his expected release date. “Damn!” He’s thinking he’s going to be happy to be back home. He looks at the week long area between where the days are marked off and where the days are circled.

He counts the days down, looking forward to his first drag on a cigarette in almost fifteen weeks, that and the trip home in a wheel chair for another two weeks before he can walk again. Somewhere between the airport and home is another hell waiting for him. Somewhere fear creeps in and makes you think about what could happen next.

July 10, 2010 @ 15:31:02

Alex is working on his second cigarette in ten minutes. A complete stranger among mortals who have never known what it’s like to be run over by a peter built at sixty miles an hour. the cafe isn’t packed, it’s the usual crowd most of the people who knew him, pretend not to know him now. He doesn’t look the same, not to mention the isolation of laying in that hospital bed had upon his psyche.
Alex flicks another match and lights up, throwing the burning match to the ground where it goes out in mid air; he wonders if anyone is going to join him. As it turns out no one does, he sits in silence for the better part of an hour and packs it up to head back home. There are no new messages in his in box today, the voice mail system shows no new messages. He thinks back to before the accident and remembers he didn’t really have any friends to start with.
Alex thinks, “after thirty five years of life a person would have some friends with some deep roots”. Those that care about each other through it all.

The Mind

The Supple Mind

They say the mind can be as deep as the ocean and as wide as the sky. What they don’t tell you is that the mind is a maze filled with empty rooms, distractions, and time wasters. It’s loaded with paradoxes and booby traps. It has guards at some rooms that seem like they would be fun, and the people yell and scream at you if you try taking that route.

Some people fear getting lost in their mind so much that they stay out of there and never go in. Others have gotten lost in there and never come back.

Stop, Wait, Come Back

Some say that to explore the mind one needs a guide for fear of getting lost and certain doom. Society today has lost it’s way and only has two places in the minds of people. They want you to believe anyplace else isn’t safe for your mind to function and that anyone who dares explore other areas are crazy.

The real key is to know your tools and know how to use them. Your tools are logic and reason; and your compass is thought itself. The maps are the history of the human race and having watched those around you.

There are dangers like emotions which will blind you to the truth, and fear which will make you flee from discovery of going where none have gone.

Brave Encounters

What scares you is the monsters. Well there are no monsters in your mind except the ones that you create. But sometimes the monsters seem real enough to keep you from going in the direction you want to go.

Then there is doubt. Doubt will rob you on your journey, it will steal your happiness and your joy. Doubt will leave you wishing you had never taken any course and that you stayed in the living room watching television. Because they have told you that is safe for you.

Don’t forget your tools. Like what you say? Like creativity. That is a tool for the mind to do it’s greatest work. If you practice everyday you may find a talent you didn’t know you had before.

Sure the mind has pitfalls and loops that don’t go anywhere even though the scenery seems to change all the time. It’s an illusion. You have been walking the same hallways in the mind over and over again, never to realize you were going in circles.

Stop Going In Circles

Some people have a war zone in their heads, they are at war with themselves. Some have created hostile environments for everyone because they have let fear and doubt keep them from going farther. The problem with the mind is that there is no way to take out the garbage.

This makes people fear ever putting anything in the first place. But if your going to live in this world you have to make your head a home. You have to be at peace with yourself and your thoughts. You have to be calm even when what you think doesn’t match what you see.

What is Truth?

The mind can fool you into thinking things are better or worse than they really are. The paradox of the mind. Get your tools out and dust them off. Use logic to match what you see with what you think, then use reason to understand what really is.

Sometimes you have to change what you think to match what you see. Beware of emotions that blind you to the truth. See things for what they are. Match them in your mind, calm and reasonable. Your minds best friend should be patience. All those doors leading to dead ends, you have to take the time to map out the best course. It’s tedious and pain staking. It’s worth it in the long run.

Make your mind a home, where you store not gold and silver; only the things of value to the mind. Your thoughts, your memories, your dreams, your desire, and your hope. Clean up after yourself and don’t let the mind become a place you fear to go. Use your tools and find your way home.

Poem Between Unknown Friends

Poem Between Unknown Friends

This poem is for us;

may our memories of each other never haunt us!

rather they are there to remind us of whom we love and why.

Through it all there is no one but each other

that could fill the shoes of our best friend.

I shall not fear even the worst from you,

and I welcome all the love my heart

can hold that you share along the way.

It’s not that I’m invincible to your ways;

rather I know you share the love I have for you,

and you would only share with me

what’s in our best interests.

may my love keep you alive as long as you wish to continue.

just remember I too need a sparkle of your love to keep living;

I’m not without hopes and dreams.

Were made of the same stuff.

May our hopes and dreams no matter how wild or far out there

be the things we would both agree upon.

And together we will do more than anyone ever dreamed possible.

I’m wishing you the best and sky’s of blue ;

I just hope I’ve been the sort of friend you have been to me.

How To Journal….

Great Idea’s

Keeping a journal is a good idea, it can get you through many tough times, it can remind you of the good times too. The key is to be consistent in writing everyday and to cover all the important parts of your life and day. It can help you learn, grow, to become better day by day. If you want to stretch you mind, if you want to learn to think better; keep a journal.

Here are a few things I have learned about keeping a journal:

1. Do write the date, time, place at the top of every entry.

If you want to get really creative write the moon phase and temperature too.

2. Write everyday.
3. Don’t be afraid of your feelings, until you put them down you never know what you really think.
4. Review every few months.

Steps Forward

If you carry your journal with you, then that five minutes of down time can be used to write, even if it’s good or bad times, you can make a note of it. Keep writing until you feel grounded in your life, comfortable, confident, and happy.

After years of keeping journals and reviewing the progress you have made you can feel pretty good about your efforts, and remember where you were and what you were doing. Maybe they won’t make a movie about you, that’s not the point; keeping a journal is good for your mind. Keeps you on your toes and thinking, growing, learning. Try to write something different everyday without repeating yourself. Watch your creativity grow.

here is a link that is more in-depth than I am covering here with some good ideas.

http://lifehacker.com/why-you-should-keep-a-journal-and-how-to-start-yours-1547057185

Know Thy Self…

Know Thy Self

This file was written on October 12, 2014

The most important thing you can do for yourself is this, really get to know yourself. Find out who you are, what you love, and know why you love it. Most people are in fear of knowing themselves, they run from anything that shows them who they are. This is why people turn to drinking or drugs, because they are not able to deal with their own thoughts.

You have to accept yourself head on, face yourself; deal with who you are. Once you know who you are you can grow, you can make that change you need to make. Once you know yourself well and you have faced those ideas that scare you, you can take control of your own life, you can be your own master; as opposed to being a slave.

Self mastery is a difficult task, it’s rewards are great if you can do it. The first step of self mastery is knowing yourself extremely well. To know how you feel about yourself, your friends, and your family. One of the benefits to knowing yourself is peace of mind, when you are no longer trying to run away from yourself, when you accept yourself like you are; there is no longer any fear.

Starting Points

One way to get to know yourself is to keep journals of your day, to write everyday your thoughts as they are. Sometimes you have to write several times a day, if you embrace this and yourself, your on the right path.

When writing in your journals, keep it free. The writing should be your real true thoughts, not what you think someone wants to hear. By keeping a free flowing journal long enough, you will find your core self. This core is what you are, this core is why your alive.

It might take a year, it might take a few months. It all depends upon the effort you put into it, and how honest you are with yourself. Stop running from yourself and face the things that scare you. Even if your terrified, face them head on. You will find your better than you thought you were.

When you know yourself very well, when you find your not a slave to this world; your life will change. You will see through the shallow workings of the mind that is a slave, you will find depth you didn’t know you had.

There is another danger to finding yourself, that would be watching television. The TV is just programming this world wants you to believe, it masks the true nature of life, ourselves, and the world we live in.

Once you learn to block out the things that are false, you can have hope in finding your true self. I challenge you to go a year without watching the TV, make it a goal to read a book, to think to yourself, to spend time with someone else. You will be surprised what you learn about yourself and your true nature.

Next Steps

The next step is to only keep friends that know themselves.

Only keep friends that know themselves well. If you reach the level of self mastery, your friends that are shallow mindless slaves will not understand you. You have to find those who are at the same level, if you can help bring someone else up from where they are; so much the better. Just don’t expect to be able to help everyone. Knowing your friends like you know yourself means that you will have more rewarding relationships. Knowing your friends like you know yourself means that shallow superficial relationships will be fewer and that you won’t seek them in your life.

If everyone knew themselves well, if everyone quit running from themselves in search of being entertained; the world would be a better place. Quit being a mindless slave, and start thinking for yourself.

Getting your friends to join you in this experience is crucial, you don’t want to go there alone. Sometimes you have to go there alone, that doesn’t mean you have to stay there alone. Encourage your friends to rise above this worlds status quo. Your conscious mind is more important than friends, having fun, or getting drunk.

Who Are You?

If more people come to know who they really are, the people that already know will have someone to talk with, to share their lives with, and to heal the hurt, loss, and pain.

Telling Stories; People Matter

You Too!

After having given it a lot of thought, my feelings are that I want to tell other people’s stories. To be able to write their ¬†experiences. And share them in a way that gives people hope and encouragement. I would like to start by doing interviews with people that have had struggles or difficulties in life. To not only focus on that but how they overcame them or learned to deal with their problems in a positive way.

Everyone has a story of their life, I think people should be given a chance to share their experience and the positive outcomes that came from it. I’m not here to add to the pity party of self destructive people. I’m here to help people rise above it and be successful.

Work In Progress

If you want your story told or have something you would like to share then by all means contact me and I will review your story. I would like to hear from you.

It’s my goal to tell your story in a positive and upbuilding way that brings the heart of the matters to light and shows that doing the right things even in difficult situations is the best things to be doing.

In focus what I want to write about is people that are creating in any medium that has required growth. To feature those building talent, those that have worked on their craft day after day. Even through failures to reach a point that they have found happiness and success regardless of how popular they are.

Stages

As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
so every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in it’s day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.

by

Herman Hesse
The Glass Bead Game

dear goth: UPDATED!!

cold black night, awaits

walk among the tomb stones in the rain

set before you a pillow of dark thoughts

night terrors go hand in hand with loneliness

you wouldn’t want it any other way.

morbid thoughts come with the territory;

no one that thinks and has lived before

would disregard death.

you would live and die a billion deaths

each time for one more shot at life.

it’s not life you hate

or god if you believe that way.

know the moon;

it’s phases and times.

note the cycle of dreams in it’s shores.

it’s the lies the world wants you to believe.

those lies you hate.

fire within the heart.

burn it into the tomb.

listen in patience.

never waste words on those who will not listen.

those icy hearts are not ours.

you wouldn’t trade your compassion for a dime.

befriend those without friends;

beware of those with too many friends.

beware of false friends, those who lie.

in the humble places of darkness,

dwells the greatest of minds.

sometimes we look like normal people;

yet the well of dark thoughts runs deep.

there are four enemies;

  • dispair
  • depression
  • greed
  • hate

i know you will stay true; I have hope in you. like the truth

that a rose will always fade.

you always come back to balance the darkness;

and tell those that lie

to shove it!!

 

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

Death Shall Have No Dominion

by Dylan Thomas

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan’t crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

– Dylan Thomas

good lesson

Grandpa

It was in the late 1940’s after the troops came back from WWII. The times were difficult for many people. At some point as I understand it, grandpa had a fifty cent piece someone had put a bullet through. It was all he had and a family to feed.

He went to he corner grocery store and wanted to buy bread and milk with that fifty cent piece. The store owner wouldn’t take that not even in good faith it would be repaid later. Well that was all my grandfather had at the time save but his will and determination. He swore, “I’m going to buy that grocery store and help good people that need something to eat.”

Less than four years later my grandfather was the proud owner of that store. He worked every day until after having a heart attack nearly killed him. Then it simply became too much to operate for just him and they sold that store.

But there is a good lesson to be learned in that. Do you know what it is?

Note To Those That Care

In my findings of searching life, exploring the options. Here is what I’ve found. This is not a writers market. This is not even a publishers market. My advice is that you spend your time writing your family and loved ones. Write brilliant letters to people that are real that you know personally.

This is not a readers market either. The whole scene is bad these days. Most people won’t or can’t read. It is my hope that with enough encouragement that people will see the error of their ways and come back around. However I’m not going to hold my breath for this change to take place.

My advice is write books and poetry because you love to write. Don’t seek for people to buy your books or add the stress upon yourself to entertain mindless people that don’t have enough common sense to know how to buy a book in the first place.

Have hope. Practice!

Most people today know how to work a tv set, and to use facebook. The prices for a lot of things just got a lot more expensive because they have hurt us writers financially and emotionally with their abuse, hate, and neglect.

If you really must do something that involves writing, charge up front fees that range from five to ten thousand dollars per one hundred words. Also use the time to profit from writing tv shows and movies if you find it necessary.

It’s best to write because you love it. It’s best to write to those that you love. Everything else in today’s market and economy has fallen to the very bottom of a deep pit that will be perhaps re-discovered some day in the future; but for today’s civilization, your best chances of success are neither online or in print. It’s a dying species like the insects, and life on earth for this period of time. I hope that future civilizations will find what we leave behind and benefit by not making the same mistakes humans have made in this world.

Take Note

I wish you the best, and don’t let this discourage you from writing. My only hope is to save you from the heartbreak of dashed hopes that come from not having success in a world that is too stupid to care, read, or think. Write me letters, I hope to read them.

Todays world is mostly doomed. Machines are writing, and people are just drinking and watching tv like mindless zombies. Something has to change for the better. Maybe distant worlds will find us in time to save the human race from going the way of the dodo.

Keep journals, write poetry, write your stories. Don’t give up. That doesn’t mean the world needs to see them right now. The people that need written to is someone that cares that can change the direction things are going. Do something.

Keep your chin up. You writing matters. Keep it up.

Posted Feb 16, 2019 @ 17:39:01

I love This

Ratio Mix

Max had been awake a whole hour before Alex ever got up. He would have had a cup of coffee but it isn’t his style to drink coffee. Since he had been awake he had devoured two terabytes of data from the morning reports. Max is a very special individual. His main job is to go everywhere that Alex goes and make sure Alex has the right information to say at every appointment and meeting all day long. They have a wireless transmitter that max will use to upload the data Alex needs right on the spot and it forms words or pictures in Alex’s mind so he can understand it.

Max wasn’t unhappy about his job, he liked Alex a lot. He didn’t always like the orders Alex’s boss would give. Yet he figured there was nothing he could do about that. His neural synapses would filter the data and there was always an agenda for the day of what is needed to make or break the deals that are happening.

Deal Days

A new deal took place almost every fifty two minutes. Alex awoke and walked into the kitchen where Max is sitting patiently. Max didn’t bother to take the time to send a good morning message into Alex’s mind. ¬†Rather he waited for Alex to send him the daily status message of either, “ah shit” or better yet “oh yeah”

Alex must have been tired this morning, Max who was timing his responses, timed him at four point two seconds to send “oh yeah”; Max who cross referenced all good morning responses and calculated the average found that Alex was toying with him once again and everything was most likely ok.

Some mornings are worse than others and in the event of an “ah shit” some meetings are rescheduled for another day depending upon what the problems are. Today looks good. Alex and max woof down their food. Then they leave the penthouse on the thirteenth floor to go do a days work. Hopefully as honestly as possible. Alex and his team mate Max aren’t the only game in town. Yet the odds of someone with the capacity that Alex and Max have is very low.

Upload Data

The idea behind the team work that they performed was simple. Max knew everything that was needed to be known. Alex was the guy who made the pitch based off max’s data. This free’s up Alex to perform better when under pressure. Though Max doesn’t tell him what to say or what order to say it in. Rather Max just uploads the right information at the right time.

Max is a dog.