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Why Exist?

Sometimes, thoughts have some value. They can help guide us, help us align with life, the universe, and everything. Sometimes they hurt us, and those are to be avoided. When you get in the habit of thinking, you will have a wide variety of thoughts. And sometimes, you will think thoughts you don’t like much.

It has taken a long time to reach this point in my life. Much longer than it should have taken. The world is not a right place. Here are some of thoughts I’ve been considering.

Not Getting Married

At this point in my life, I’ve lost any desire for a wife of human nature. My thoughts are to remain single, and not have any children in this life. In the event that I should live much longer than expected, this may change. However, when considering this mortal life I have been living, my expectations are that this will not continue much longer. My next life will be different; however, in this life until my mortal death I’m not interested in being with a human.

I think the idea of having a wife, or a girlfriend was something that was expected of me, being in this world. However, it has not worked out, and frankly I’m tired of the pressure, the rejection, and the pain. Wanted a lot better for my life.

Need For A New World

This world, was built by design. However, humans building has not been carefully designed. It does not feel like it has been built by an architect. The poor design has led to a lot of suffering and pain in this world; which could have been avoided.

We need a new design that works better. The streets here are not done right. Please think better.

Life

Recently I read the book: “The Golden Eternity” by Jack Kerouac. The book said in the intro that he died suddenly at the age of 47. Thinking about it, maybe my day will come. Tired of the pain, the isolation, and the way things are. None of my problems have been fixed, or addressed. There is some beauty here, and a lot of it is really something. If you look to see the perfection in the imperfection, then the whole thing looks a lot better than it feels.

Emotions

I’m not sure if it is something wrong with me, or the medications they have me on. The problem is there are no emotions of love or hate in my soul. I feel no deep emotions of any kind other than when I feel angry about something that I’m not able to let go of.

I’m working on feeling some love for myself; however, there is no real feeling of love in me. I’m likely very numb inside, I’ve shut down, and been isolated for so long the feelings of love have vanished.

It isn’t healthy to be totally numb to emotions. There is some compassion in me, but feelings of love or hate are not present. I would like to feel some bliss about this, but what is possible?

It’s important to have unconditional love for all living beings; yet, I’m not feeling it. People are being divided, and separated into groups, and that is necessary to fix other problems. Someday it will get better.

What We Want

We want life better for everyone. We want peace, and to end the suffering, and pain of those in this world. If things were designed right, much could be avoided. And problems would be fewer. Life has to get a lot better for everyone.

Bad Medicine

Should a person be content to just exist? If you want nothing more than a warm sack of shit, then you will be left with warm sacks of shit. However, that is disrespectful to God, to neglect the gifts you have been given, and to do nothing with your life. Pity, we want life better than that. Life should be an adventure. You should get some real benefit from it. It should benefit everyone. Too often people are living like zombie shit. And frankly we are tired of this.

Better Medicine

To uphold a persons dignity, while allowing them to have some pride. To be kind to those without having to think about it. To be honest, and have compassion for all living beings.

By Ctopher Thomas

Ctopher Thomas is talented photographer, skilled programmer, and artful writer. You can follow his work and check out his personal website: misfit.ctopher.me

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